something to laugh over.

When you come out of a 200-mcq-question paper and laugh over it even though you know that you played the guessing game for at least one-third of the questions (not because you didn't study but because there were just too many details, it was impossible to study them all), you know that you have let go of what grades mean to you...

And after laughing, you thank God for who He created you to be, not so that you need to meet up to the expectations the world piles on you, or because you have to prove anything, you know that you are secure in the Lord. And look forward to saying 'yes' to what He has placed ahead of you.

Even if i get the pink letter, (haha, some of you know what this means) i know- i want my treasures to be those of eternal value.
In all that i do, i desire to give my best shot because You are with me every step of the way, and i will learn to look and smile at the scenery beside the path instead of the only focusing on the winding road ahead.
And no matter the results, i choose to say- God, You are good, and Your mercies endure forever.
Smiles.

loving my family...more.

Last night, while we (cheryl, suhui, jeanie, sam and hann) were having dinner, i mentioned something about my capacity to be irritated with my family members. And what the rest replied set me thinking about my attitude towards my family. There were comments along the lines of, "i never seen rach irritated before..." and "you will be irritated one meh?". And at that moment i thought to myself why this was the case but the topic soon dropped as we carried on with dinner. I didn't think of it anymore thereafter.

Then this morning as i was reading the word, the Lord reminded me of it again. As i prayed asking the Spirit to work in my life and help me bear the fruits that i may reflect Christ, (2 Cor 3:18) the Lord reminded me of how i treat my family members. Many times i will get irritated with them when they ask me to do little things, or when i am busy and mummy asks for a favour and i say things that are not very pleasant. As i reflected upon that, i begin to realise that i don't treat my friends like that at all. Do i not love my family? No, i love them very much. Then, am i living a double standard life? Perhaps, perhaps not. You know, i figured that love and familiarity is a very complex thing. Maybe we have been brought up to act prosocially- meaning i know how to behave when i am out with my friends, however, when i am at home, the expectations are different, familiarity breds a sense that i don't have to behave so "properly" because my family knows me. Or rather, i expect that we will accomodate to each other because we know each other so well. So, "don't ask me for a favour when you know i am busy" kind of expectations pop up. That of course is not to say that i don't mean the things i do or say to people when i am outside and that i am putting up a front. No, all that i do is sincere and genuine- out of a desire to really want to love.

However, as i know the Lord more, i strive to treat my family with the same respect and patience as i treat my friends and other people i meet. Because what's the point of leaving good impressions but yet being unkind at home? (even though i don't mean it...?) Not a very good example to hold.

Lord, help me never to compartmentalize my life- And grant me a controlled tongue when i am at home, to say things that will build my family up. I want to display Your fruits at home more.

assured.encouraged.renewed.

Assured...Encouraged...Renewed...

Smiles. That was exactly what we've been waiting for.

Just that assurance that all our efforts have not gone to waste or returned to us void.

It was such an amazing time. Right, esther, raymond and brenda?

Join us every saturday for the 3:45 prayer time for the YA ministry. :)

to a land not too far away.

It has been confirmed. Come this May, I will be going for ACTS.
And that means being in Nepal for 2 and a half months. Smiles.
I will be leaving on either the 21st or 28th of May 2007. This is to be confirmed.
I am really excited because in know God has great lessons in store for me to learn.
However, i am also slightly apprehensive about how things will be there.
But i choose to trust. Because my God IS trustworthy.

I have been thinking alot about this and some other things as well.
Thank You for reminding me with Philippians 4:6-7.
Will update you all more about the trip and how you can be praying together with me.
Smiles.
Right now, i think i better go get a shower and clear my thoughts a bit.
Lord, continue to be my guide and my desire. Amen.

the measure of a man.

I know its 1:52am in the morning and i really ought to be in bed if i want to have a productive day tomorrow studying but i just have to post this up because God deserves this exaltation here. Just as i was going to shut down my computer, this song played on my itunes and it describes exactly what i am feeling tonight.

The Measure of a Man

By 4HIM

Verse 1:

This world can analyze and size you up

And throw you on the scales

They can IQ you and run you through

Their rigorous details

The can do their best to rate you

And they'll place you on their charts

And back it up with scientific smarts

But there's more to what you're worth

Than what human eyes can see

Chorus:

Oh I say the measure of a man

Is not how tall you stand

How wealthy or intelligent you are

I found out the measure of a man

God knows and understands

For He looks inside to the bottom your heart

And what's in the heart defines

The measure of a man

Verse 2:

Well you can doubt your worth

And search for who you are and where you stand

But God made you in His image

When He formed you in His hands

And He looks at you with mercy

And He sees you through His love

You're His child and that will always be enough

For there's more to what you're worth

Than you can ever comprehend

Bridge:

You can spend your life pursuing physical perfection

There is so much more, more than ever meets the eye

For God looks through the surface

And He defines your worth by,

What is on the inside

Truly, this is what You are teaching me today. That Lord, You are not looking at how tall i stand, or how much i can achieve. No matter how i feel about the things i have done, You remind me that these are not things that define my worth. You look at the heart- That defines who You created me to be. This imperfect child of Yours submits to what you have in store for me. I will not despise what You have called and created me to do, but instead Lord, help me to embrace all that you desire for my life. I need You to help me do that- to excel in what You want me to because on my own i really can't. Only You can help me with that. I really need Your grace, because i can never measure up. And that is truly what grace is for isn't it?

Thank You Lord, for that sweet presence and assurance when i need it tonight.

Good night world for now...

I'm looking forward to tomorrow, 'cause tomorrow's mercies are new, how wonderful. :)

isn't it love.

Isn't It Love
Words and music by Andrew Peterson

Lost my luggage out in Kalamazoo
Same way I tend to lose my conscience too
Another day in these dirty old blues
And I don't seem to mind

This is a thing that confounds me
You can find me, you surround and remind me
When I lose my way and I forget about you
You still remember me

Chorus:
Isn't it love
This rain that falls on the sinner and the saint
Isn't it love
This well that won't run dry
Isn't it love
These mercies are made new every morning

And when I think about that prodigal son
I've gotta smile when I see the old man run
And I know that you love us the same
'Cause the sun came up today

Just as if we deserved it
Just as if every one of us fools was worth it
Truth is that we'll never be perfect
But you love us just the same

Isn't it love to look down from the sky
And see your only son on the cross asking why
And somehow let him die that way
And not call the whole thing off

All for a man here in Kalamazoo
Who loses his bags and his way sometimes, too
But that was something that you already knew
And still you died for me

For the muddlehead i can be, the mistakes i make, how disobedient i can be, and yet, You still choose to love me. THAT, my friend, is pure grace.

His mercy and comfort.

How amazing that this is the God that we worship! 2 Corinthians 1 encourages us through these verses (NLT version),

"All praise to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. He is the source of every mercy and the God who comforts us. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When others are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us." (v3-4)

So we know that every "trial" and circumstance that we go through is never wasted. Every down period that we experience is so that we can taste His mercy and comfort. To know that we have a God who provides even for our emotional needs. And with these experiences, we can then comfort others and encourage them with what the Lord has brought us through. So never despise what you went through- God has His plan and purposes and will turn what is seemingly bad for His glory.

"... In fact, we expected to die. But as a result, we learned not to rely on ourselves, but on God who can raise the dead. And he did deliver us from mortal danger. And we are confident that he will continue to deliver us." (v9-10)

Very often, when we go through difficult times, it is a time where we will learn what it means to rely on Christ. To depend on Him. Simple prayers of deliverance are uttered. But my question on the flip side is, what about in times when things are going smoothly? Do we rely on what we can do, and forget that God exists? Confidence in a God who can deliver us translates to good times as well. This is because we experience Him through tough times and know who He is. Our faith is strengthed and we now trust Him in our every circumstance, joy or sorrow.

"He will rescue us because you are helping by praying for us. As a result, many will give thanks to God because so many people's prayers for our safety have been answered." (v11)

Lastly, let's keep our brothers and sisters in Christ in prayer. We can support each other through the prayers we utter for one other. Do you know someone who is hurting? Or needs comfort? Pray. Of course, be there for them as well. And be the source of comfort that God uses in their life. At the end of the day, God gets all the glory because of the praises we have when our prayers are answered.

I am blessed by these few verses and discover new truths each time i meditate on it. And because of that, i realize more and more that i will really never know enough. This is the wonder of the word of God, it reveals, and the Spirit convicts. Amazing.

Have you been chewing on the word of God? :)

no turning back.

The past is in the past.
There is no need to revisit it anymore.
The decisions, whether good or bad, were made.
It was a choice. And You were there when i made it.
So, really, it's about the process, not the results.
Thank You Lord for every struggle You brought me through, there's no turning back, i look forward to all that You have prepared for me. Smiles.

Look forward too, will you?

so sweet.

Wah, this is so sweet. Grins. Be sure to watch it till the end. Smiles. Otters are such pretty creatures. God is so creative. Heh.

humbled again and again.

Time and time again i have been greatly humbled. When i think that i can do it and i've got things going for me, that's when God throws it at me and leaves me helpless and needing Him. It's certainly not easy being a Christian, in fact, more and more, i begin to see what it means by "deny yourself, take up the cross and follow me."

Today, as i met the youths in Crossroads and listened and observed some of the things that are happening around in their lives, i felt overwhelmed with the some of the things they were facing. I asked myself if i was effective and adequate in helping them- i don't know what to say or how to advise, neither do i see anyway where i can seem to meet their needs. And the Lord in His grace and mercy reminded me this: Rach, you are not God. And that simple truth hit me straight in my face. It was me again trying to do things, wanting to change circumstances, wishing i could be in control of situations. And when i went down on my knees in utter submission telling God that i am limited and i can't, who He is was being magnified. His infinity and magnificance became all i could see. And i know that God loves the kids in Crossroad unconditionally. My responsibility is really to point them to Him, to the one who is more than able to meet their needs, give them peace, joy and satisfaction and be their friend. So often, i am caught up in the "i don't seem to be doing enough", "is there something that is lacking in all my service?" but John Piper puts it so beautifully when he writes,

"The uniqueness at the heart of Christianity is the glory of God manifest in the freedom of grace. God is glorious because he does not need the nations to work for him. He is free to work for them. 'The Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many' (Mark 10:45) Missions is not a recruitment project for God's labor force. it is a liberation project from the heavy burdens and the hard yokes of other gods. (Matt.11:28-30)"

- John Piper in Let the nations be glad (Bold emphasis mine)

This few lines struck me. Many times, our God is portrayed as a God who needs us to work for Him, slog for Him, give our energy and time for Him, be all tired out n burnt for Him and this description makes Him sound somewhat like a slave driver! I am certainly not condoning that we do not do anything for Christ and just sit back, slack and enjoy life. But the truth that i am placing across is that God has to be glorified in all that we do! and we need to be constantly aware that we can NEVER do enough for Him, what we need to do is to be satisfied in glorifying God.

Today, it is my prayer that i will point the youths to one who can give the eternal solution and remember that Christ is the author of their salvation, the provider of their needs and i am merely availing myself to be used by Him.

I dare not pray bold, aggressive prayers tonight, except ones that i will do what He wills and bare His cross with my life. Lord, i am nothing- You are everything. This song describes very aptly my heart cry today.

Who Am I

by Casting Crowns

Verse:

Who am I

That the Lord of all the earth

Would care to know my name

Would care to feel my hurt

Who am I

That the bright and morning star

Would choose to light the way

From my ever wondering heart

Bridge:

Not because of who I am

But because of what You've done

Not becasue of what I've done

But because of who You are

Chorus:

I am a flower quickly fading

Here today and gone tomorrow

A wave tossed in the ocean

A vapour in the wind

Still you, hear me when I'm calling

Lord you catch me when I'm falling

And you told me who I am

I am Yours

Verse:

Who I am

That the eyes that see my sin

Would look on me with love

And watch me rise again

Who am I

That the voice that calm the sea

Would call out through the rain

And calm the storm in me

Whom shall I fear?

Whom shall I fear

'Cause I am Yours

I am Yours

Psalm 8:3-5 (NLT) "When I look at the night sky and see the work of your fingers- the moon and the stars you have set in place- what are mortals that you should think of us, mere humans that you should care for us? For you made us only a little lower than God, and you crowned us with glory and honour."

red nose and rainbow wig.

I think that although i livened up the mood at today's filming with the weirdest and most impromptu comments, i talked a tad bit too much.

Sometimes people "look" stupid and say out-of-the-world things just so that others can be entertained. I was in that category of "people" today.

But i am glad the rest seemed like they had a good time. It's nice to see people still rolling with laughter after a long day's work. Smiles.

Maybe i should consider being a professional clown.

Just maybe.

OR... maybe being a clown is one of the million roles of a social worker. I always remember lecturers saying that social workers need to have a sense of humour.

AHA! This must be it. A social worker who wears the clown's red nose and puts on her rainbow coloured wig on different occasions.

There goes my wild imagination. Whoots!

Yes, you are absoutely right. Rach is tried and needs some rest. Or maybe i haven't had my dose of the day. Grins.

La de dum de doo...

real issues, real pain.

God is reminding me to genuinely love and care for others.

It's not easy, but i'm willing to give it all i've got...

A girl from Crossroads told me today that she cried during tuition because she was so frustrated about not being able to understand a maths sum. Sometimes we might see the issues they go through as seemingly trival- in fact, petty. Things like stress in school, bgr issues, at the age of 12, you'd think, "goodness, grow up...", quarrels with their friends, hate towards teachers, their parents and basically the world (haha)... We all look back at our lives and goodness, how much we have grown. Thankfully we had good parents, sunday school teachers, maybe role models or if you walked through it yourself, somehow (by the grace of God) you still turned out fine. But maybe these kids don't. Perhaps they haven't got that environment to learn and be nurtured. And as trival as their issues might sound, they are very real to them. You couldn't dismiss it because the pain they feel, the struggle they go through is just as intense as one you might be going through right now. And that, for them, is overwhelming.

I have learnt, overtime, what it means to be genuinely concerned about their lives, to be with them as they grapple with teenage issues- things i never even went through or heard of. As i begin to understand their worlds, i start to see how purposefully allowed our paths to cross. And unworthy as i might feel, He desires to use me (and you) to minister His love, His grace, His compassion. It awes me and blows my mind to see how i am part of this plan.

Yes, though it is definitely not easy walking through life with these kids (some of them really get it tough), i really desire to understand their worlds, and bring them to the knowledge of this wonderful saviour that i have. And i believe with all my heart that out of these kids will bloom a generation that will transform the community. I cannot even imagine how amazing that would be... Seeing them bring the gospel back home, to school and to the void decks. It's gonna be radical.

All these, i look forward to, and in Christ only i will boast of its accomplishment.

joy bubbling from within.

As i was spending time with God this morning, i discovered 2 passages that embodies what the Holy Spirit has been teaching me these past few days,

"Let the words of Christ, in all their richness, live in your hearts and make you wise. Use his words to teach and counsel each other. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts. And whatever you do our say, let it be a representative of the Lord Jesus, all the while giving thanks through him to God the Father." - Colossians 3:16-17 (NLT)

"Work hard and cheerfully at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and the Master you are serving is Christ." - Colossians 3:23-24 (NLT)

Indeed. As i fulfill my responsibilities of student, i want to do it cheerfully, all the while giving thanks. It is not easy when sometimes you find yourself stuck with a group project that you know shouldn't be hand up in this state, when you are so tired and haven't eaten dinner yet you know you have to finish things up first because you don't want to procrastinate, when you still have an individual paper to do but the compilation of the group projects (yes, with an 's') are staring at your face, when you could choose to complain and whine and nobody will blame you for it, when it is so easy to say, "forget it...", when you could have-- a million other things. But in the midst of all these, i find something so strange happening, i find joy bubbling from within. I find my heart in delight, and my spirit in perfect peace. I find a gratitude that His grace is so sufficient for me and all i have to do is to conform to His will.

How amazing it is to be constantly in His presence! We serve a really awesome God... :)

gloomy no more.

I was walking along the corridor of after class today and sighing within at the amount of work i have to complete... Until i saw this girl looking super gloomy, gouchy and tired. And immediately, i told myself- the joy of the Lord is my strength! and strated breaking out in a song in my head and smiling to myself.

If we are called to be light of the world and salt of the earth, how can we be just like every other student in campus going through school as if tomorrow will never come? Yes, it is the time of the semester that we all dread, the deadlines and assignments but, in that split second, it was an excellent reminder to rejoice in Lord, ALWAYS, and again i say, REJOICE!

Alright, i'm gonna get my work done before i head home for dinner. Lord grant me efficiency and wisdom for this task, i want to do it with an attitude that praises You. :)

i'm back and my heart is singing.

As I sit in the library in an attempt to complete my assignment there are many thoughts running through my head. This has been a semester full of the grace of God. Full of humbling experiences and yielding to the will of God. I have never found myself being so intrigued with who He is then this semester. And gosh, as 3 months have passed, I feel so much gratitude bursting forth from within. There were times I was burdened, felt weak, asked many questions, was disappointed, but yet- I really see how God turns all things for the good of those who love Him. I certainly can’t say I love Him enough, because I will never love Him enough and I owe Him everything.

I have been learning very tough lessons that have brought me back to the basics of what Christianity means but I would rather go through each one of these lessons then wish they never happened. Because these processes have moulded me. They have strengthened my faith, built my stamina for a longer race ahead. I cannot emphasize how much the Lord has had His favour showered over me in every aspect of my life and I am ashamed that many times I do not even recognize it as His grace and mercy.

And as I attempt to start explaining the areas in my life He has been challenging me with, I don’t know where to start or update. Because there simply has been too many! And besides… well, I guess the procrastination to blog about them has made me a little at a lost as to where to start. Grins. However, I am ready to start sharing consistently again how the Lord has been glorified in my life. I am reminded of how I wanted to use this space to share of His goodness and spur others on in their Christian walk. And yes, truly I would like to use this space to do that.

Moving from the virtual to the real world, the atmosphere in the library is so surreal. I really miss the NUS arts canteen where I can sit by the tables at the side and just enjoy the breeze, being by myself. It’s amazing how I am such contradiction sometimes. I really love being around people (I can’t imagine how it would be like when I am 40 and alone. Haha.) but yet I also enjoy being alone a lot. Just the serenity, spending time thinking and being with the Lord is so so precious. Perhaps the more I am around people, the more I desire to be alone too. Shrugs, humans are rather complex. Whatever it is (haha), I guess I better hit the notes again and finish up this point of the assignment before heading home for home-cooked food and the 9pm show. Haha. Don’t mock me, I hardly get to follow any drama series nowadays.

My heart is singing, “Jesus You are so good…” Truly a privilege to be called His child. Smiles.

more to life.

When your nose gets blocked and runny at the same time and you wake up in the morning feeling groggy, you realise that its the-time-of-the-semester again.

When you have slept 8 hours the night before and then another 6 hours in the afternoon but still feel tired and lethargic, you realise that your body is not letting you off this time.

When you feel that you can't rest anymore becasue you have to do work for tomorrow's tutorial, you realise that the school has either overworked you or you have been procrastinating. (i prefer to believe its the former.)

When you say to yourself, "i am not sick." when you actually are, you are in denial.

When you are drinking cold honey and you feel it going down your hot throat, you realise that you haven't been drinking enough water.

When you find yourself taking delight in little cute things on the display of a toy shop, you know that there are things in life that help you feel better when you are feeling drowsy.

When you start having silly dreams and sharing them with your friend over msn and laughing about it, gosh, you realise how deprived you are.

When you finally admit you should just smile and thank God for the day, you realise there is so much more to life than what you think. :)

Christ liveth in me.

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me." - Galatians 2:20 (emphasis mine)

I have been pondering and meditating on this verse for a while. We use this verse too flippantly sometimes i feel. I wonder what this verse really means to you?

purpose driven by passion.

Loving people.

As i sat through a counselling lecture and absorbed all that dr sim was teaching us, it was a suddenly realization of how much people matter to God. Its not something new, but it just struck me so hard. As i saw the techniques, the skills, the strategies he taught and practiced, i marvelled at the God who was the master of all these. i marvelled at what it meant to love. To show positive self-regard, to empathize, to be genuine. And i realized once again, how hard it is to love. But it also spurred me on to desire after that love that Christ displayed. I'm certain that the skills He had far exceeded the lecturers and supervisors that i grew to admire and respect. And this made me think, Jesus was really the best people-person and counsellor one could find.

And as i pondered about this, i began being curious about people's lives, to think about people who are hurting, who need a listening ear, who desire for someone to show unconditional, non-judgemental love, and i asked God to grant me a compassion that will drive me to action. I have recently discovered the joy about discovering about people's lives, to be genuinely concerned. And to embrace doing that. And i pray that as i grow this year, it will be a time where i will discover so much of what it is to build relationships. I am constantly reminded that this is really not a new thought as i type but it has just become so radically true for me! And a renewed passion that i believe that the Lord has placed in my heart.

Just this week i was asking myself (as i always do to keep myself in check) why i was doing what i was doing and asking the Lord to check my motivations. And today, in His graciousness, He reminded me that it was because of people. Simply to minister into their lives. And i feel so privileged that i am partnering in this journey. I look at the ministries that i am placed in this year and i am certain that building relationships is where the Lord wants me to grow this year. I am pursuing it with all my heart, and being very open to what the Lord is teaching me through all of this.

It makes so much more sense when i have a reason and a purpose to what i am doing. The apparent 'work' seems so much easier and enjoyable. Purpose driven by passion makes all the difference.

"Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, "The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field."" - Matthew 9:35-38

Lord, i ask for a compassionate heart. A heart for people because i know you had and still have that heart.

a desiderative heart.

I have been learning painfully but joyfully what it means to be a Christian. And even as i yield my heart to the Lord's, i am beginning to discover areas in my life that need cleaning up. Not exactly exciting to know but i am willingly to do it. Why? Because i am not satisfied with status quo and mediocrity. Because i want to have a desiderative heart. Simply, it is a heart that desires.

desire
noun
1. the feeling that accompanies an unsatisfied state

WordNet - Cite This Source

And that describes my heart's cry. Dissatisfaction of the state that i am in. It's hard to explain it here, and i won't, but pray for me- That as i seek His face, He will grant me a hunger and thirst like never before.

"12Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 3:12-14

Lord, i don't want to stay the same.
From the inside out, Lord my soul cries out.

but only one thing is needed.

I have come to a point in my life where thankfully i am aware of certain signals and signs. This morning, as i was talking to God, the "slow down" sign blinked again. I thought to myself, in comparision to last semester, gosh, i have already slowed down tons. Are You sure Lord? How lofty was that! To ask God if He is sure... And God humbled and brought me once again to this passage in the Bible of Mary and Martha,

"As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!"
"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." - Luke 10:38-42

And I stopped. I stopped to listen to what the Lord had to say. You know, there are many things in life that NEED to be done. But what is necessary? I have resolved to do the necessary. And today i made a commitment to do the things that i need to do. Was it wrong for Martha to prepare and be hospitable? Certainly not! In fact, it was only right since Martha was the one who invited Jesus. The issue is not about the things done, but the better things that ought to be done.

I have decided to slow down on some things and speed up on others.

Lord, help me to focus- on the things that are needed.