When utter in my heart that i wish i can give up and the work is just too much for me, He reminds me of how much He loves the people in East Asia. How marvellous- i cant describe it... And just that reminder is enough to enable me to press on. what i feel is not important any more.
i am moving forward. let my heart beat the same rythmn as Yours.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Saturday, May 20, 2006
now i see.
words. are they really able to describe the true extent of what we feel? well,perhaps not, but i'll try my best here. i have had many thoughts since placement started and like esther says, which i concur- my life is quite interesting. okay, of course she was refering to something that i wont mention here, (haha) but besides that, placement has brought me to see some things that i never saw before and possess certain perspectives that were once foreign.
my job scope as a placement student is basically this: youth and children work where i plan programs, workshops, go on activities with youths, build relationship, do casework and counselling, have numerous school visits to observe interviews and assessment, go for home visits, conduct groupwork for petty crime youth offenders and yeah, mostly that. sounds like a pretty long list eh? basically we multitask and are exposed to alot of what the centre does. at the close of the 2nd week, this is what i have to say. believe or not, i actually feel the passion arising. when i see clients, i see them more than just people, i see them as individuals with needs that can be met. and i feel for them. i dont look upon them with pity neither do i see them as "poor thing". it is a different emotion- my heart just goes out to them and the only thing in my agenda- if i have to choose, the most important would be to provide them with the resources and support so they are able to develop to the fullest potential and what God created them to be. i see so much more in these kids then what they lack. i look pass their failure in studies and see individuals with lives that can be lived in abundance. and as i understand their situation, i see youths and children that seem to be bound by the circumstance they are facing- home environment, family etc. i look at their behaviours as mere indicators and symptoms of what is REALLY within them; a child that might be deprived of parental love and guidence, perhaps a child full of anger and frustration... going to visit them at their homes makes it all the more acute. i finally see and understand why they are performing the way they are in school. all that i read in books and hear in lectures suddenly makes sense. this is what reality is- it is no longer mere theory, this is life. and boy, is life unfair.
i dream for these kids, i hope for a future for them, i yearn for something more for their lives. and these is the same dream i dream for the youths that i work with in our ministry and those who WILL BE in our ministry- i dream to see their lives maximised for the glory of God. today was a day of feeling but there is nothing wrong with it, absolutely nothing. i am getting in touch with the self that God has given me and that part of my self is called: compassion.
my job scope as a placement student is basically this: youth and children work where i plan programs, workshops, go on activities with youths, build relationship, do casework and counselling, have numerous school visits to observe interviews and assessment, go for home visits, conduct groupwork for petty crime youth offenders and yeah, mostly that. sounds like a pretty long list eh? basically we multitask and are exposed to alot of what the centre does. at the close of the 2nd week, this is what i have to say. believe or not, i actually feel the passion arising. when i see clients, i see them more than just people, i see them as individuals with needs that can be met. and i feel for them. i dont look upon them with pity neither do i see them as "poor thing". it is a different emotion- my heart just goes out to them and the only thing in my agenda- if i have to choose, the most important would be to provide them with the resources and support so they are able to develop to the fullest potential and what God created them to be. i see so much more in these kids then what they lack. i look pass their failure in studies and see individuals with lives that can be lived in abundance. and as i understand their situation, i see youths and children that seem to be bound by the circumstance they are facing- home environment, family etc. i look at their behaviours as mere indicators and symptoms of what is REALLY within them; a child that might be deprived of parental love and guidence, perhaps a child full of anger and frustration... going to visit them at their homes makes it all the more acute. i finally see and understand why they are performing the way they are in school. all that i read in books and hear in lectures suddenly makes sense. this is what reality is- it is no longer mere theory, this is life. and boy, is life unfair.
i dream for these kids, i hope for a future for them, i yearn for something more for their lives. and these is the same dream i dream for the youths that i work with in our ministry and those who WILL BE in our ministry- i dream to see their lives maximised for the glory of God. today was a day of feeling but there is nothing wrong with it, absolutely nothing. i am getting in touch with the self that God has given me and that part of my self is called: compassion.
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
i need to see again
into the 2nd week of placement and i am so tired.
not that this is not fulfilling or anything, but i am tired.
there are so many things i want to blog about but, another day...
i find time to talk to God along the way home.
catch up with friends while walking to the train station.
miss catching up with the people i love- i really do.
miss homecooked food like anything (soon soon- tommorow.)
think of workshop outlines and meeting agendas on the way to work.
check my organiser constantly.
jump up at the sound of my morning alarm.
goodness, Lord, i dont know how i am going to make it through till the EA trip.
i need a bigger perspective, and i believe YOU will show me.
You who live within me is greater than He that is in the world.
Goodnight world, i think i really need sleep, i refuse to feel jaded. refuse to.
not that this is not fulfilling or anything, but i am tired.
there are so many things i want to blog about but, another day...
i find time to talk to God along the way home.
catch up with friends while walking to the train station.
miss catching up with the people i love- i really do.
miss homecooked food like anything (soon soon- tommorow.)
think of workshop outlines and meeting agendas on the way to work.
check my organiser constantly.
jump up at the sound of my morning alarm.
goodness, Lord, i dont know how i am going to make it through till the EA trip.
i need a bigger perspective, and i believe YOU will show me.
You who live within me is greater than He that is in the world.
Goodnight world, i think i really need sleep, i refuse to feel jaded. refuse to.
Saturday, May 13, 2006
those black fragments
Before i leave the house this morning, i just wanna post this up.
Ephesians 5:5-13
"For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a man is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. 6Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God's wrath comes on those who are disobedient. 7Therefore do not be partners with them.
8For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light 9(for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) 10and find out what pleases the Lord. 11Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. 12For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. 13But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, 14for it is light that makes everything visible."
We can be sure that darkness and sin cannot be hidden in the face of light and the truth. sin cannot withstand the test of truth. Last night as i was sharing with a friend, i was reminded that every sin will be exposed, and we can hide nothing from God. Perhaps we can hide it from the world, put on a facade, live a life that seems godly but inside we are actually rotting away. i was reminded of how God delivered me from the guilt and the shame of those things that i hid in my closet, in the corners of my life that no one knew. and i was grateful. i am not proud of the things that happened in that past, but i recognize God's work in my life. i am ashamed that i let those things creep into my life, i am ashamed of the compromises i made, but i am glad now that God's light shone through, His light exposed those dark areas in my life. it was uncomfortable, even torturous those times, when sin was revealed. it surely was. but at the end of the day was freedom, there was liberty in the truth and in the light. today, i can truly say: no turning back, no turning back. yes, i might still fall and stumble along the way, but i know for that lesson in my life that i learnt, the conviction is real. that area of my life is now a fragment of my past. it is a black fragment that i will never forget but it has now been washed white by the grace and mercy of the Lord.
And God whispered this one thing in my ear last night, "You know rach, i am going to turn this ugly part of your life for good, for My glory. You just wait and see." Do YOU dare to believe that God can use those failures, those ugly fragments of your life for His glory? i dare, believe with me...
Ephesians 5:5-13
"For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a man is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. 6Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God's wrath comes on those who are disobedient. 7Therefore do not be partners with them.
8For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light 9(for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) 10and find out what pleases the Lord. 11Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. 12For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. 13But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, 14for it is light that makes everything visible."
We can be sure that darkness and sin cannot be hidden in the face of light and the truth. sin cannot withstand the test of truth. Last night as i was sharing with a friend, i was reminded that every sin will be exposed, and we can hide nothing from God. Perhaps we can hide it from the world, put on a facade, live a life that seems godly but inside we are actually rotting away. i was reminded of how God delivered me from the guilt and the shame of those things that i hid in my closet, in the corners of my life that no one knew. and i was grateful. i am not proud of the things that happened in that past, but i recognize God's work in my life. i am ashamed that i let those things creep into my life, i am ashamed of the compromises i made, but i am glad now that God's light shone through, His light exposed those dark areas in my life. it was uncomfortable, even torturous those times, when sin was revealed. it surely was. but at the end of the day was freedom, there was liberty in the truth and in the light. today, i can truly say: no turning back, no turning back. yes, i might still fall and stumble along the way, but i know for that lesson in my life that i learnt, the conviction is real. that area of my life is now a fragment of my past. it is a black fragment that i will never forget but it has now been washed white by the grace and mercy of the Lord.
And God whispered this one thing in my ear last night, "You know rach, i am going to turn this ugly part of your life for good, for My glory. You just wait and see." Do YOU dare to believe that God can use those failures, those ugly fragments of your life for His glory? i dare, believe with me...
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
i bet this is the topic in every year 2 social work major's blog. Haha.
PLACEMENT HAS STARTED.
AND, the holidays are gone. laughs. not much of a holiday anyway although i did enjoy myself. the baboons were nice. haha. (i dont think alot of people know what i am talking about but nevermind. haha.)
i was just thinking yesterday morning what i want to get out of placement. it is going to be a ground for learning, a time of being humble and saying "wow,i didnt know that." as well as using the experience and gifts that God has already given me. i would say confidently that i do have an added advantage of having served in the Youth and YA ministry and worked at REACH fsc before. having been in committees and facilitated workshops has proved to be give me an edge BUT, having said that, i am very willing to learn. my supervisor asked me what i wanted to gain out of the whole experience and i told her: experience. i think that being able to apply textbook material to life excites me. finally, i get to use the smelly pile of notes that i study for exams and get to see a whole new world that i read in couselling books. i must say that i was a little disappointed when i was told what i will be doing as a placement student but i also understand why they planned certain things in that manner. despite it, i am grateful that my sup has agreed to expose me to as many things as possible, even going with her to work on the bizarre cases that she does in schools, and when she said bizarre, or is it absurd, something like that lah, i was thinking to myself how bizarre can it be? but i believe actually. haha. you know sadly in Singapore, there are so many things happening in families that we do not see. please thank God for the family you have. the cases out there really break the heart and make you wonder how they turned ot this way. i think that is what being in social work does, it really broadens your perspective and allows you to see what REALLY happens in homes, dysfunctional patterns, power struggles, seemingly minor symptoms that actually are pervasive. it's a crazy world, it is.
working in student care this placement is definitely a great opportunity for me to work duh, with students. (okay okay, thats not what i really wanted to say, haha) i meant, this would be a great opportunity to work directly with students in the setting where you have the space and authority to make a difference. especially in terms of moulding of character and behaviours. all of you have been youths before or are still youths (for those in self-denial, haha) and that is when influence makes all the difference. im glad my sup told me that when she works with students, she isnt looking at acedemics, but that character and values. and i beat that heartbeat too. i dont want to be too idealistic (crap,i am too practical. laughs) but i believe that God is going to use me to impact some lives this 10 weeks. it is a pity i wont be going to retreat- i know it is gonna be powerpacked coz the Spirit is going to move mightily but i dont regret it, nor am i complaining because what i will be doing will be and has to be empowered by God too. i really dont know what to expect and what kind of people i will meet but i know one thing for sure, and this is my goal for this placement- To stay really close to the Lord so that He can work through my life. social work really requires discernment and the words of the Spirit. i dont what other way or methods i can use except by keeping in step with the Spirit and being so in tune and sensitive to the Lord's voice. the Lord reminded me one thing this morning, and that is "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect."- Romans 12:2 and the only way i can continue to keep in step with the Spirit is to be constantly renewing my mind with the word of God. kinda sad that i wont be able to go for bible study for most of the tues coz it is my work late/meeting day on some of the weeks but i pray that God will still grant me the discipline to continue studying His word.
i pray that this placement will be an experience that will strengthen my faith and my calling. day 2, here i come...
AND, the holidays are gone. laughs. not much of a holiday anyway although i did enjoy myself. the baboons were nice. haha. (i dont think alot of people know what i am talking about but nevermind. haha.)
i was just thinking yesterday morning what i want to get out of placement. it is going to be a ground for learning, a time of being humble and saying "wow,i didnt know that." as well as using the experience and gifts that God has already given me. i would say confidently that i do have an added advantage of having served in the Youth and YA ministry and worked at REACH fsc before. having been in committees and facilitated workshops has proved to be give me an edge BUT, having said that, i am very willing to learn. my supervisor asked me what i wanted to gain out of the whole experience and i told her: experience. i think that being able to apply textbook material to life excites me. finally, i get to use the smelly pile of notes that i study for exams and get to see a whole new world that i read in couselling books. i must say that i was a little disappointed when i was told what i will be doing as a placement student but i also understand why they planned certain things in that manner. despite it, i am grateful that my sup has agreed to expose me to as many things as possible, even going with her to work on the bizarre cases that she does in schools, and when she said bizarre, or is it absurd, something like that lah, i was thinking to myself how bizarre can it be? but i believe actually. haha. you know sadly in Singapore, there are so many things happening in families that we do not see. please thank God for the family you have. the cases out there really break the heart and make you wonder how they turned ot this way. i think that is what being in social work does, it really broadens your perspective and allows you to see what REALLY happens in homes, dysfunctional patterns, power struggles, seemingly minor symptoms that actually are pervasive. it's a crazy world, it is.
working in student care this placement is definitely a great opportunity for me to work duh, with students. (okay okay, thats not what i really wanted to say, haha) i meant, this would be a great opportunity to work directly with students in the setting where you have the space and authority to make a difference. especially in terms of moulding of character and behaviours. all of you have been youths before or are still youths (for those in self-denial, haha) and that is when influence makes all the difference. im glad my sup told me that when she works with students, she isnt looking at acedemics, but that character and values. and i beat that heartbeat too. i dont want to be too idealistic (crap,i am too practical. laughs) but i believe that God is going to use me to impact some lives this 10 weeks. it is a pity i wont be going to retreat- i know it is gonna be powerpacked coz the Spirit is going to move mightily but i dont regret it, nor am i complaining because what i will be doing will be and has to be empowered by God too. i really dont know what to expect and what kind of people i will meet but i know one thing for sure, and this is my goal for this placement- To stay really close to the Lord so that He can work through my life. social work really requires discernment and the words of the Spirit. i dont what other way or methods i can use except by keeping in step with the Spirit and being so in tune and sensitive to the Lord's voice. the Lord reminded me one thing this morning, and that is "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect."- Romans 12:2 and the only way i can continue to keep in step with the Spirit is to be constantly renewing my mind with the word of God. kinda sad that i wont be able to go for bible study for most of the tues coz it is my work late/meeting day on some of the weeks but i pray that God will still grant me the discipline to continue studying His word.
i pray that this placement will be an experience that will strengthen my faith and my calling. day 2, here i come...
Thursday, May 04, 2006
communion with HIM
FINALLY. it is over. and boy, it feels good.
i came home to give my room a good packing after my evening paper.
and now my room is clean and packed. smiles. i like.
so many things have happened in the past few weeks i guess i'll post slowly. haha.
to start off, i took one of those long walks again, and i enjoyed it, just God and me. nothing beats those walks. and i realised something. there are 2 things i really enjoy doing: being alone and being with people. seemingly contradictory yeah? but those are the 2 things i delight in. i delight in spending time alone on walks, talking to God about any and everything, pondering about issues and just observing the sights around me. i think i need my doses of such activities every month. but i delight too in being with people. i think i thrive on conversations, the more i talk, the more awake i feel. i enjoy building others up, i enjoying listening to people, i enjoy hanging out, i just enjoy people. and the seemingly contradiction disappears. because the more i am with people, the more i treasure the times i have alone and perhaps thats exactly what happens- at least for me.
some said to me last night "you have so much capacity for more than what you are doing right now". i respect this person and i know he knows what he is saying. but i dug into my "ministry folder" and i thought to myself literally these words "sure a not?" i am really quite stretched this year and definitely have moved out of my comfort zone. i have accepted challenges, stepped out of my usual boat and even walked on water. i believe i have done things i have never done before, got myself into deals that i didnt expect and i have capacity for more? erm, hello God, i need a breather. and God reminded me on the way home today that He has destined me for greater things then this. He reminded me of what He has called me to, the places i will go, the unimaginable and all these things HE said, are just preparation. i dont want to suffer a burn-out but i also recognise that He will give me strength to go through it all. those who wait on me will soar on wings like eagles. he will run and not grow weary, he will walk and not be faint. and that was all i needed to hear to respond in "yes Lord, use me." struggle as i might, tired as i might be, God is in control of my life and knows what He is doing and i am humbled. who am i, i ask that He will choose to use me? and i thank God for this pure privilege to serve Him. have we taken serving the king of kings for granted? do we complain and grumble when things dont go our way? lets look to Him once again and delight in serving Him. we need to re-align. we need to enjoy the work that He has called us to do.
so as i walked home today, im glad i was able to commune with Him again in such a manner. the next 2-3 months are gonna be hectic months i know (by the way, i start placement- attachment on monday at Clement Student Care.) but i also know that it is gonna be the time of my life. placement, east asia, planning and all, here i come...
i came home to give my room a good packing after my evening paper.
and now my room is clean and packed. smiles. i like.
so many things have happened in the past few weeks i guess i'll post slowly. haha.
to start off, i took one of those long walks again, and i enjoyed it, just God and me. nothing beats those walks. and i realised something. there are 2 things i really enjoy doing: being alone and being with people. seemingly contradictory yeah? but those are the 2 things i delight in. i delight in spending time alone on walks, talking to God about any and everything, pondering about issues and just observing the sights around me. i think i need my doses of such activities every month. but i delight too in being with people. i think i thrive on conversations, the more i talk, the more awake i feel. i enjoy building others up, i enjoying listening to people, i enjoy hanging out, i just enjoy people. and the seemingly contradiction disappears. because the more i am with people, the more i treasure the times i have alone and perhaps thats exactly what happens- at least for me.
some said to me last night "you have so much capacity for more than what you are doing right now". i respect this person and i know he knows what he is saying. but i dug into my "ministry folder" and i thought to myself literally these words "sure a not?" i am really quite stretched this year and definitely have moved out of my comfort zone. i have accepted challenges, stepped out of my usual boat and even walked on water. i believe i have done things i have never done before, got myself into deals that i didnt expect and i have capacity for more? erm, hello God, i need a breather. and God reminded me on the way home today that He has destined me for greater things then this. He reminded me of what He has called me to, the places i will go, the unimaginable and all these things HE said, are just preparation. i dont want to suffer a burn-out but i also recognise that He will give me strength to go through it all. those who wait on me will soar on wings like eagles. he will run and not grow weary, he will walk and not be faint. and that was all i needed to hear to respond in "yes Lord, use me." struggle as i might, tired as i might be, God is in control of my life and knows what He is doing and i am humbled. who am i, i ask that He will choose to use me? and i thank God for this pure privilege to serve Him. have we taken serving the king of kings for granted? do we complain and grumble when things dont go our way? lets look to Him once again and delight in serving Him. we need to re-align. we need to enjoy the work that He has called us to do.
so as i walked home today, im glad i was able to commune with Him again in such a manner. the next 2-3 months are gonna be hectic months i know (by the way, i start placement- attachment on monday at Clement Student Care.) but i also know that it is gonna be the time of my life. placement, east asia, planning and all, here i come...
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