passion.

As i thought back about the week. there is one thing that resounds in my mind: passion. i ask myself what being passionate is all about. and i came up with one definition, not a dictionary one but here it is: To love what you are doing and do it will so much zeal that even if your body cries out for rest, you will still press on because you believe in what you are doing. It was the 1st time in my life i actually felt passionate about what i was doing. i felt as if this is what i want to do for the rest of my life. And i shared this with becky together with a question, "How could i have lived the rest of my life not feeling this way before?" and she replied very simply, "because you didnt know what it feels like in the past, of course you cant desire for it." how true. i was contented with the life i was living. i enjoyed serving the young pple, being in the cell ministry but last week it was much more than enjoyment, it felt like passion bubbling up within me.

i was suffering from lack of sleep, muscle aches, sore arms and a mind that couldnt stop working. being a social worker last week kept me on the move all the time. when i was sitting down for lunch, my mind was thinking about what i was to next. walking along, i tried to think of the plans to type out when i got back to the office. even while i rested on bed, sometimes i would be thinking of a kid i met during the day and utter a short prayer for him or her before i conked off in bed. and by friday, boy, i was exhausted. i didnt even get to go for PNP coz of work and missing PNP is something that hasnt happened in a while. BUT, despite is all, it was worth it. every bit of the energy spent and the aches were worth it. i learnt so much about kids, youths and their families. the systemic appraoach just came to life for me. to see youths scolding vulgarities to your face, raising the fist at the instant they dont feel happy about something, having a language so flowery that it really amazes me, where on earth are these words created?? and seeing kids who so innocently want to "take revenge" becasue of the need to protect their siblings and feeling lousy because they cant. i see so much manifest in the excusions and outings i have with them. they are kids with needs, even though seemingly tough and streetwise, they lack one thing, and that is simply: love, unconditional love. For someone to see the strengths in them, to be willing to sit down with them and be concerned about there seemingly rotten lives, their broken families and their dysfunctional relationships. these are kids whom would invest my time and my energy in. whose behaviour is only but a mask of what is within them. i was talking to one youth during a bbq, we happened to have a quiet spot to talk, and he shared with me how the teachers see them as hopeless, (NT class) and no one really believes in them. frankly, despite the vulgarities they have hurled at us before, my heart went out to them. because beyond the tough front, the "bully" image and the difficult attitudes, are people who are lacking and needing. and i know, working with these kids are really not easy. it is honestly a love-hate relationship, but yet, there is a part of me that tells me that these are kids that can live for so much more.

after 3 weeks where i am working, there is one question i constantly ask the Lord, "How do you want me to reach out to them? and Jesus, what would you do?" and i know bit by bit, little by little, these hard hearts will be softened. the primary school kids can be moulded, the rough attitudes of the youth can be corrected, byt hte grace of God. And God cooses to partner with us for this transformation- if only we are willing to got he extra mile for them. this is more than work, this are lives and souls that we are talking about...