questions and conclusions

how come i am always in conflict.i often KNOW what is expected of me, and often i think i know what God wants me to do. but i dont FEEL that way. this will always be a conflict and i have to learn how to deal with it. if carl rogers was here, he would term this as "incongruence". not being in tune with myself, in simple terms. and well,bible study that day kinda helped me figure out why.coz we exist in BODY and SPIRIT. both of which affects the feelings, mind and finally propel the will. to explain it like that and here is really doing it injustice. sis cecilia had such good illustrations for that. (ask me,i'll explain more or even show u the slides) but wat i want to say is that i know i will always experience this conflict because i am only human but i can deal with it as i fill my mind more with the word of God. well,to me,it's pretty complicated.we are complicated beings.and God made us such.the complexity of this species called humans. i would like to think that we can be decoded simply but we cant.i have attepmted to reduce humans to it's core,but woah,i've failed because God made us so complex.well, i will not crack my brains on that anymore because i see no point in that. sometimes i think i drown myself with such thoughts and confuse myself too much. -shakes head-

okay,i have just went off tangent from what i wanted to type but i decided to leave it there just so that you see my thought process and how random i can be.well,i think that i have often than not grappled with the mind versus the feelings.doing what i KNOW is best versus feeling like it is the best.i have had to question many things i have done recently and ask myself whether it is worth it,whether what i am doing helps another person. i have asked the question of "God are you sure?" countless times when all along i know the answer was "I am faithful". being so human, i struggle with whether i have done the right things, made the right decisions and asked the right questions. i have asked questions and have heard people ask me what issues i have because of the questions i ask. and so i even question my questions.i have had thought processes recently that made me critical about the things i have been doing,and sometimes i think im just being too hard on myself. poor brains.

ultimately,after all the questions and conflicts,i have come to ONE conclusion. that all that matters is to be in the centre of God's will. and to count all else rubbish. how to do that? i am still learning and very humbly doing so because i am so far from it. so far. i understand that there is nothing else to live for except towards the goal for which He has called me heavenward. and step by step i want that to engulf my life. day by day this is my prayer: that my desire will be to be ALL that He wants me to be.