indescribable perhaps.

i finally decided to blog again. the sorethroat has kicked in and well thats a huge sign that i need rest, i need a break, but when? soon i hope, soon... well, i have been tired, mentally, physically and emotionally and this affects me spiritually too. i am not gonna fake it, i am not on a spiritual high. BUT, i am not contented it being this way. Above the Bible studies, serving God in ministry, going for service, for conferences, for meetings, reading the word of God, and Christian literature, ABOVE ALL OF THAT, i just want HIM. i just want to be in the presence of God. i yearn for that so much. nothing can satisfy, i desire so much of Him. and God is so gracious, He WILL draw need to those who seek for Him and desire for His presence, maybe not in the time you want it, or in the capacity you desire for it. But He will be found. we humans are too limited to comprehend that and what we see, encounter, and experience is only from a very human, myopic perspective. Do you know how great God is? Immeasureably. thats the word to describe Him. He is the God who makes you sit back and go, "WOAH".

And it has been some time but GOd brought me back to these verses, while i was on my knees yearning for Him, these precious verses.

Psalm 73:25-26
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.

26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.

Yes, that is the God that i worship and i serve. i am so weak but He says He will be my strength. and i began to weep. Because i began to see again how unworthy i am, and i cannot imagine why He would want to use me. i ask God why He would even bother to bring me to where i am and i began to see how far away i am from perfection and how i am so unable. and i began to experience His grace. the mind began to connect with the heart. i began to understand how awesome that grace is and how unworthy i am to receive it. But He chose me, undeserving of it all. and i was humbled.

you know, i am lost for words here. i dont even bother how i am phrasing my sentences. this is what my heart is feeling now. not my mind, certainly not it. His love and grace i certainly cannot rationalize.

oh God, i praise You, i thank You. because of who you are. i stand in AWE, absolute AWE.