i didnt intend to post any entry anytime soon. its 12:57am now and i was thinking i need to sleep soon. i got to work tomorrow. but my spirit is stirring, and i cant sleep. i cant seem to pinpoint really why i am feeling like that. so i decided that i should type it out, so that i get to take a step back and see a clearer picture. God is moving somehow within me, and i think i know why.
His presence has been with me through the past few weeks. i am drowning in my attempts to juggle ministry and work attachment. sometimes i get so busy with work that i forget who He is. i can get caught up with doing His work and forget who i am really working for. i know i try to do my best in the things that are before me, but i fall short sometimes. and God reminded me of something that He said to me last week, "My child, I am proud of you."- something i hold so dear to me. and that is what i want to say to the youths that God has placed under my care- whether it be at work or in ministry. i want to be proud of them. God has been showing me what it means to love the youths and i am begining to learn to see the worth in each of them. to see really, the big white space instead of that black dot on a clean piece of paper. that is how God sees each of us too. in fact, He wipes away that black spot. and i want that heartbeat too.
i was blown away as my colleague and i discussed about a case that i am handling now. we talked about the client, but more than that, what blew me away were the things i learnt about people. i knew those things through the many modules i took in school but now i really see what it means as we talked. even as i begin to think more deeply about human behaviour, i believe God was opening the eyes of my heart. theories came to life for me and i suddenly realised how much more complex humans are then i thought! i shared with my EA team yesterday that i want to be able to serve God through my work, even though i might be constrained by my tiredness. and i really want to be able to minister to needs even in this few weeks. perhaps i wont accomplish miracles or too big things, but i know, that i want what happens in the remaining few weeks to be things that are according to His will and purpose. this is what i want to invest my life in- people. they sure are complicated, delicate beings, but they can live for so much more. today i saw that, i saw hope in families. i saw what it meant to believe in the best of people. and for once, i understood.
tonight, i just feel so close to Him. His heartbeat just beats upon mine.
and i dont want this feeling to ever leave.
turn this feeling to a conviction, something i live for.
i never want to depart from Your heart.
the heart of one who truly loves.
so close my Lord, so close...
Saturday, June 24, 2006
beautiful.
There are so many things i want to post, but i dont have the time and the energy. smiles. ask me, i will gladly tell you. the only thing i want to say here is that HE is so beautiful. And His love is amazing. Bask in His presence.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
re-aligned.
When my eyes lose sight of the vision, when the work ahead fills my hands and i forget how to lift them up to the Lord, when my strength is taken away and i feel the strain, YOU remind me once again of Your love, that perfect love for Your people. And once again i fall into Your embracing arms of love. Your love is all i need and boy, am I immersed in it. Once again i am re-aligned.
Needful Hands
By Jars of Clay
Verse 1:
For those under the clouds
Staring up in awesome wonder
As tears come slowly down
I'm reaching up a needful hand
Chorus:
You are my eyes when I cannot see
You are my voice, see, sing through me
You are my strength in weakness be
Verse 2:
To find that I could fall
And still your grace surrounds, pursuing
To freely stumble downI feel your hands around my heart
Bridge:
You are my strength, my voice, my eyes
I lift up needful hands
You are my strength, my voice, my eyes
I lift up needful hands
Needful Hands
By Jars of Clay
Verse 1:
For those under the clouds
Staring up in awesome wonder
As tears come slowly down
I'm reaching up a needful hand
Chorus:
You are my eyes when I cannot see
You are my voice, see, sing through me
You are my strength in weakness be
Verse 2:
To find that I could fall
And still your grace surrounds, pursuing
To freely stumble downI feel your hands around my heart
Bridge:
You are my strength, my voice, my eyes
I lift up needful hands
You are my strength, my voice, my eyes
I lift up needful hands
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Friday, June 09, 2006
agonizers
Sitting in my office, with my earphones on, I am able to slip into my own world while still being aware of my surroundings. I thank God that today I have some time to myself because it has been a slow day, and my work really only starts at 730pm. Since I started placement, I guess it has been a struggle waking up early to spend time with God, although I have made attempts to on quite a number of days. Some days I just can’t wake up, just too knocked out. However, the times that I share with God are precious ones. Along the way home, reading devotionals and every little snippet of word from Him I cling on to. And although perhaps this is not the ideal, but I enjoy these times with Him. What do you deem as quiet time? Is it only a set time and space? Yes, I believe we should spend time with God behind closed doors, but we must remember that we are able to go through every moment of our lives, walk through the day together with Him, being sensitive to the voice of God and practicing His presence everywhere we go.
I just read a devotional during my lunch break about prayer. Leonard Ravenhill has inspired me in more ways than one, this is what he wrote,
“The place of prayer is more than a dumping ground for all our anxieties, frets, and fears. The place of prayer is not a place to drop a shopping list before the throne of a God with endless supplies and limitless power.
I believe the place of prayer is not only a place where I lose my burdens, but also a place where I get a burden. He shares my burden and I share His burden. "My yoke is easy and my burden is light." To know that burden, we must hear the voice of the Spirit. To hear that voice, we must be still and know that He is God.”
Amazing. I am truly inspired by this man of God whose heart is sold out to the Lord. I want the heart of this man as well. That heart of prayer that is so unceasing yet an extremely humble man. Are we agonizing in prayer, going on our knees and desiring to see God move in our land today? The more I type this, I more I wished I was at home, that I can have a private space to go down on my knees in prayer! My heart’s desire is that R-age is a place where our young people will be agonizers in prayer for their loved ones, for their campus, for the ministry and for their land. I don’t think this is too big a request to make. Will YOU join me in prayer?
I just read a devotional during my lunch break about prayer. Leonard Ravenhill has inspired me in more ways than one, this is what he wrote,
“The place of prayer is more than a dumping ground for all our anxieties, frets, and fears. The place of prayer is not a place to drop a shopping list before the throne of a God with endless supplies and limitless power.
I believe the place of prayer is not only a place where I lose my burdens, but also a place where I get a burden. He shares my burden and I share His burden. "My yoke is easy and my burden is light." To know that burden, we must hear the voice of the Spirit. To hear that voice, we must be still and know that He is God.”
Amazing. I am truly inspired by this man of God whose heart is sold out to the Lord. I want the heart of this man as well. That heart of prayer that is so unceasing yet an extremely humble man. Are we agonizing in prayer, going on our knees and desiring to see God move in our land today? The more I type this, I more I wished I was at home, that I can have a private space to go down on my knees in prayer! My heart’s desire is that R-age is a place where our young people will be agonizers in prayer for their loved ones, for their campus, for the ministry and for their land. I don’t think this is too big a request to make. Will YOU join me in prayer?
Sunday, June 04, 2006
mums and cute.
And i must add this, coz its quite hilarious i think. i came home one evening with these 2 items on my table: 
me: mum, erm, did you buy me these?
mummy: YAH! so cute right! the tissue box so cute and somemore small and handy!
By the way, my mummy knows i like Strawberry Shortcake, it used to be one of my favourites but i didnt expect her to BUY it. hahaha.
she is so funny lah. i love her to bits! laughs.
me: mum, erm, did you buy me these?
mummy: YAH! so cute right! the tissue box so cute and somemore small and handy!
By the way, my mummy knows i like Strawberry Shortcake, it used to be one of my favourites but i didnt expect her to BUY it. hahaha.
she is so funny lah. i love her to bits! laughs.
passion.
As i thought back about the week. there is one thing that resounds in my mind: passion. i ask myself what being passionate is all about. and i came up with one definition, not a dictionary one but here it is: To love what you are doing and do it will so much zeal that even if your body cries out for rest, you will still press on because you believe in what you are doing. It was the 1st time in my life i actually felt passionate about what i was doing. i felt as if this is what i want to do for the rest of my life. And i shared this with becky together with a question, "How could i have lived the rest of my life not feeling this way before?" and she replied very simply, "because you didnt know what it feels like in the past, of course you cant desire for it." how true. i was contented with the life i was living. i enjoyed serving the young pple, being in the cell ministry but last week it was much more than enjoyment, it felt like passion bubbling up within me.
i was suffering from lack of sleep, muscle aches, sore arms and a mind that couldnt stop working. being a social worker last week kept me on the move all the time. when i was sitting down for lunch, my mind was thinking about what i was to next. walking along, i tried to think of the plans to type out when i got back to the office. even while i rested on bed, sometimes i would be thinking of a kid i met during the day and utter a short prayer for him or her before i conked off in bed. and by friday, boy, i was exhausted. i didnt even get to go for PNP coz of work and missing PNP is something that hasnt happened in a while. BUT, despite is all, it was worth it. every bit of the energy spent and the aches were worth it. i learnt so much about kids, youths and their families. the systemic appraoach just came to life for me. to see youths scolding vulgarities to your face, raising the fist at the instant they dont feel happy about something, having a language so flowery that it really amazes me, where on earth are these words created?? and seeing kids who so innocently want to "take revenge" becasue of the need to protect their siblings and feeling lousy because they cant. i see so much manifest in the excusions and outings i have with them. they are kids with needs, even though seemingly tough and streetwise, they lack one thing, and that is simply: love, unconditional love. For someone to see the strengths in them, to be willing to sit down with them and be concerned about there seemingly rotten lives, their broken families and their dysfunctional relationships. these are kids whom would invest my time and my energy in. whose behaviour is only but a mask of what is within them. i was talking to one youth during a bbq, we happened to have a quiet spot to talk, and he shared with me how the teachers see them as hopeless, (NT class) and no one really believes in them. frankly, despite the vulgarities they have hurled at us before, my heart went out to them. because beyond the tough front, the "bully" image and the difficult attitudes, are people who are lacking and needing. and i know, working with these kids are really not easy. it is honestly a love-hate relationship, but yet, there is a part of me that tells me that these are kids that can live for so much more.
after 3 weeks where i am working, there is one question i constantly ask the Lord, "How do you want me to reach out to them? and Jesus, what would you do?" and i know bit by bit, little by little, these hard hearts will be softened. the primary school kids can be moulded, the rough attitudes of the youth can be corrected, byt hte grace of God. And God cooses to partner with us for this transformation- if only we are willing to got he extra mile for them. this is more than work, this are lives and souls that we are talking about...
i was suffering from lack of sleep, muscle aches, sore arms and a mind that couldnt stop working. being a social worker last week kept me on the move all the time. when i was sitting down for lunch, my mind was thinking about what i was to next. walking along, i tried to think of the plans to type out when i got back to the office. even while i rested on bed, sometimes i would be thinking of a kid i met during the day and utter a short prayer for him or her before i conked off in bed. and by friday, boy, i was exhausted. i didnt even get to go for PNP coz of work and missing PNP is something that hasnt happened in a while. BUT, despite is all, it was worth it. every bit of the energy spent and the aches were worth it. i learnt so much about kids, youths and their families. the systemic appraoach just came to life for me. to see youths scolding vulgarities to your face, raising the fist at the instant they dont feel happy about something, having a language so flowery that it really amazes me, where on earth are these words created?? and seeing kids who so innocently want to "take revenge" becasue of the need to protect their siblings and feeling lousy because they cant. i see so much manifest in the excusions and outings i have with them. they are kids with needs, even though seemingly tough and streetwise, they lack one thing, and that is simply: love, unconditional love. For someone to see the strengths in them, to be willing to sit down with them and be concerned about there seemingly rotten lives, their broken families and their dysfunctional relationships. these are kids whom would invest my time and my energy in. whose behaviour is only but a mask of what is within them. i was talking to one youth during a bbq, we happened to have a quiet spot to talk, and he shared with me how the teachers see them as hopeless, (NT class) and no one really believes in them. frankly, despite the vulgarities they have hurled at us before, my heart went out to them. because beyond the tough front, the "bully" image and the difficult attitudes, are people who are lacking and needing. and i know, working with these kids are really not easy. it is honestly a love-hate relationship, but yet, there is a part of me that tells me that these are kids that can live for so much more.
after 3 weeks where i am working, there is one question i constantly ask the Lord, "How do you want me to reach out to them? and Jesus, what would you do?" and i know bit by bit, little by little, these hard hearts will be softened. the primary school kids can be moulded, the rough attitudes of the youth can be corrected, byt hte grace of God. And God cooses to partner with us for this transformation- if only we are willing to got he extra mile for them. this is more than work, this are lives and souls that we are talking about...
Return to Him
"The deception does not last: but it leaves a habit of sin behind it." -C.S. Lewis
How true this is. with any form of sin, there will be a time when you realize that you have been deceived. when you know that what you have been doing is not pleasing in God's sight, neither is it something you want to continue doing anymore- just, detestful. but yet... you continue in it, because it has become a habit. we are creatures of habit. do something consistently for 11 days and it will become a habit. perhaps the sin you were dwelling in was pleasing to the flesh. perhaps it was desirable, appealing. but you realize one morning that there is just something not right about it. you feel ashamed, guilty, angry with yourself and the people around and maybe even God. you feel like you want to get out of it, but you dont know how. and the cycle contines again. you fall into it and you end up feeling guilty. THIS is what sin and the law does to us. the feeling of guilt and shame YET an the inability to get out of it. my friends, God has paved a way out for us, just as He provided a way for Israel although they refused to listen.
"'O Israel come back to me,' says the Lord. 'If you will throw away your detestable idols and go astray no more, and if you will swear by my name alone, and begin to live good honest lives and uphold justice, then you will be a blessing to the nations of the world, and all the people will come and praise my name." Jeremiah 4:1-2
The Lord calls us back to Him. He extends HIs merciful arms towards us. but are we willing to give up our habits, our desires, our pleasures for Him? are we will to stand for righteousness? God has paved a way for us. Repentance is the way. Living according to His word is the way. it will break the bond of shame and guilt, it brings freedom. Return to the Lord today. Return.
How true this is. with any form of sin, there will be a time when you realize that you have been deceived. when you know that what you have been doing is not pleasing in God's sight, neither is it something you want to continue doing anymore- just, detestful. but yet... you continue in it, because it has become a habit. we are creatures of habit. do something consistently for 11 days and it will become a habit. perhaps the sin you were dwelling in was pleasing to the flesh. perhaps it was desirable, appealing. but you realize one morning that there is just something not right about it. you feel ashamed, guilty, angry with yourself and the people around and maybe even God. you feel like you want to get out of it, but you dont know how. and the cycle contines again. you fall into it and you end up feeling guilty. THIS is what sin and the law does to us. the feeling of guilt and shame YET an the inability to get out of it. my friends, God has paved a way out for us, just as He provided a way for Israel although they refused to listen.
"'O Israel come back to me,' says the Lord. 'If you will throw away your detestable idols and go astray no more, and if you will swear by my name alone, and begin to live good honest lives and uphold justice, then you will be a blessing to the nations of the world, and all the people will come and praise my name." Jeremiah 4:1-2
The Lord calls us back to Him. He extends HIs merciful arms towards us. but are we willing to give up our habits, our desires, our pleasures for Him? are we will to stand for righteousness? God has paved a way for us. Repentance is the way. Living according to His word is the way. it will break the bond of shame and guilt, it brings freedom. Return to the Lord today. Return.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
love never fails
When utter in my heart that i wish i can give up and the work is just too much for me, He reminds me of how much He loves the people in East Asia. How marvellous- i cant describe it... And just that reminder is enough to enable me to press on. what i feel is not important any more.
i am moving forward. let my heart beat the same rythmn as Yours.
i am moving forward. let my heart beat the same rythmn as Yours.
Saturday, May 20, 2006
now i see.
words. are they really able to describe the true extent of what we feel? well,perhaps not, but i'll try my best here. i have had many thoughts since placement started and like esther says, which i concur- my life is quite interesting. okay, of course she was refering to something that i wont mention here, (haha) but besides that, placement has brought me to see some things that i never saw before and possess certain perspectives that were once foreign.
my job scope as a placement student is basically this: youth and children work where i plan programs, workshops, go on activities with youths, build relationship, do casework and counselling, have numerous school visits to observe interviews and assessment, go for home visits, conduct groupwork for petty crime youth offenders and yeah, mostly that. sounds like a pretty long list eh? basically we multitask and are exposed to alot of what the centre does. at the close of the 2nd week, this is what i have to say. believe or not, i actually feel the passion arising. when i see clients, i see them more than just people, i see them as individuals with needs that can be met. and i feel for them. i dont look upon them with pity neither do i see them as "poor thing". it is a different emotion- my heart just goes out to them and the only thing in my agenda- if i have to choose, the most important would be to provide them with the resources and support so they are able to develop to the fullest potential and what God created them to be. i see so much more in these kids then what they lack. i look pass their failure in studies and see individuals with lives that can be lived in abundance. and as i understand their situation, i see youths and children that seem to be bound by the circumstance they are facing- home environment, family etc. i look at their behaviours as mere indicators and symptoms of what is REALLY within them; a child that might be deprived of parental love and guidence, perhaps a child full of anger and frustration... going to visit them at their homes makes it all the more acute. i finally see and understand why they are performing the way they are in school. all that i read in books and hear in lectures suddenly makes sense. this is what reality is- it is no longer mere theory, this is life. and boy, is life unfair.
i dream for these kids, i hope for a future for them, i yearn for something more for their lives. and these is the same dream i dream for the youths that i work with in our ministry and those who WILL BE in our ministry- i dream to see their lives maximised for the glory of God. today was a day of feeling but there is nothing wrong with it, absolutely nothing. i am getting in touch with the self that God has given me and that part of my self is called: compassion.
my job scope as a placement student is basically this: youth and children work where i plan programs, workshops, go on activities with youths, build relationship, do casework and counselling, have numerous school visits to observe interviews and assessment, go for home visits, conduct groupwork for petty crime youth offenders and yeah, mostly that. sounds like a pretty long list eh? basically we multitask and are exposed to alot of what the centre does. at the close of the 2nd week, this is what i have to say. believe or not, i actually feel the passion arising. when i see clients, i see them more than just people, i see them as individuals with needs that can be met. and i feel for them. i dont look upon them with pity neither do i see them as "poor thing". it is a different emotion- my heart just goes out to them and the only thing in my agenda- if i have to choose, the most important would be to provide them with the resources and support so they are able to develop to the fullest potential and what God created them to be. i see so much more in these kids then what they lack. i look pass their failure in studies and see individuals with lives that can be lived in abundance. and as i understand their situation, i see youths and children that seem to be bound by the circumstance they are facing- home environment, family etc. i look at their behaviours as mere indicators and symptoms of what is REALLY within them; a child that might be deprived of parental love and guidence, perhaps a child full of anger and frustration... going to visit them at their homes makes it all the more acute. i finally see and understand why they are performing the way they are in school. all that i read in books and hear in lectures suddenly makes sense. this is what reality is- it is no longer mere theory, this is life. and boy, is life unfair.
i dream for these kids, i hope for a future for them, i yearn for something more for their lives. and these is the same dream i dream for the youths that i work with in our ministry and those who WILL BE in our ministry- i dream to see their lives maximised for the glory of God. today was a day of feeling but there is nothing wrong with it, absolutely nothing. i am getting in touch with the self that God has given me and that part of my self is called: compassion.
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
i need to see again
into the 2nd week of placement and i am so tired.
not that this is not fulfilling or anything, but i am tired.
there are so many things i want to blog about but, another day...
i find time to talk to God along the way home.
catch up with friends while walking to the train station.
miss catching up with the people i love- i really do.
miss homecooked food like anything (soon soon- tommorow.)
think of workshop outlines and meeting agendas on the way to work.
check my organiser constantly.
jump up at the sound of my morning alarm.
goodness, Lord, i dont know how i am going to make it through till the EA trip.
i need a bigger perspective, and i believe YOU will show me.
You who live within me is greater than He that is in the world.
Goodnight world, i think i really need sleep, i refuse to feel jaded. refuse to.
not that this is not fulfilling or anything, but i am tired.
there are so many things i want to blog about but, another day...
i find time to talk to God along the way home.
catch up with friends while walking to the train station.
miss catching up with the people i love- i really do.
miss homecooked food like anything (soon soon- tommorow.)
think of workshop outlines and meeting agendas on the way to work.
check my organiser constantly.
jump up at the sound of my morning alarm.
goodness, Lord, i dont know how i am going to make it through till the EA trip.
i need a bigger perspective, and i believe YOU will show me.
You who live within me is greater than He that is in the world.
Goodnight world, i think i really need sleep, i refuse to feel jaded. refuse to.
Saturday, May 13, 2006
those black fragments
Before i leave the house this morning, i just wanna post this up.
Ephesians 5:5-13
"For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a man is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. 6Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God's wrath comes on those who are disobedient. 7Therefore do not be partners with them.
8For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light 9(for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) 10and find out what pleases the Lord. 11Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. 12For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. 13But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, 14for it is light that makes everything visible."
We can be sure that darkness and sin cannot be hidden in the face of light and the truth. sin cannot withstand the test of truth. Last night as i was sharing with a friend, i was reminded that every sin will be exposed, and we can hide nothing from God. Perhaps we can hide it from the world, put on a facade, live a life that seems godly but inside we are actually rotting away. i was reminded of how God delivered me from the guilt and the shame of those things that i hid in my closet, in the corners of my life that no one knew. and i was grateful. i am not proud of the things that happened in that past, but i recognize God's work in my life. i am ashamed that i let those things creep into my life, i am ashamed of the compromises i made, but i am glad now that God's light shone through, His light exposed those dark areas in my life. it was uncomfortable, even torturous those times, when sin was revealed. it surely was. but at the end of the day was freedom, there was liberty in the truth and in the light. today, i can truly say: no turning back, no turning back. yes, i might still fall and stumble along the way, but i know for that lesson in my life that i learnt, the conviction is real. that area of my life is now a fragment of my past. it is a black fragment that i will never forget but it has now been washed white by the grace and mercy of the Lord.
And God whispered this one thing in my ear last night, "You know rach, i am going to turn this ugly part of your life for good, for My glory. You just wait and see." Do YOU dare to believe that God can use those failures, those ugly fragments of your life for His glory? i dare, believe with me...
Ephesians 5:5-13
"For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a man is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. 6Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God's wrath comes on those who are disobedient. 7Therefore do not be partners with them.
8For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light 9(for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) 10and find out what pleases the Lord. 11Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. 12For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. 13But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, 14for it is light that makes everything visible."
We can be sure that darkness and sin cannot be hidden in the face of light and the truth. sin cannot withstand the test of truth. Last night as i was sharing with a friend, i was reminded that every sin will be exposed, and we can hide nothing from God. Perhaps we can hide it from the world, put on a facade, live a life that seems godly but inside we are actually rotting away. i was reminded of how God delivered me from the guilt and the shame of those things that i hid in my closet, in the corners of my life that no one knew. and i was grateful. i am not proud of the things that happened in that past, but i recognize God's work in my life. i am ashamed that i let those things creep into my life, i am ashamed of the compromises i made, but i am glad now that God's light shone through, His light exposed those dark areas in my life. it was uncomfortable, even torturous those times, when sin was revealed. it surely was. but at the end of the day was freedom, there was liberty in the truth and in the light. today, i can truly say: no turning back, no turning back. yes, i might still fall and stumble along the way, but i know for that lesson in my life that i learnt, the conviction is real. that area of my life is now a fragment of my past. it is a black fragment that i will never forget but it has now been washed white by the grace and mercy of the Lord.
And God whispered this one thing in my ear last night, "You know rach, i am going to turn this ugly part of your life for good, for My glory. You just wait and see." Do YOU dare to believe that God can use those failures, those ugly fragments of your life for His glory? i dare, believe with me...
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
i bet this is the topic in every year 2 social work major's blog. Haha.
PLACEMENT HAS STARTED.
AND, the holidays are gone. laughs. not much of a holiday anyway although i did enjoy myself. the baboons were nice. haha. (i dont think alot of people know what i am talking about but nevermind. haha.)
i was just thinking yesterday morning what i want to get out of placement. it is going to be a ground for learning, a time of being humble and saying "wow,i didnt know that." as well as using the experience and gifts that God has already given me. i would say confidently that i do have an added advantage of having served in the Youth and YA ministry and worked at REACH fsc before. having been in committees and facilitated workshops has proved to be give me an edge BUT, having said that, i am very willing to learn. my supervisor asked me what i wanted to gain out of the whole experience and i told her: experience. i think that being able to apply textbook material to life excites me. finally, i get to use the smelly pile of notes that i study for exams and get to see a whole new world that i read in couselling books. i must say that i was a little disappointed when i was told what i will be doing as a placement student but i also understand why they planned certain things in that manner. despite it, i am grateful that my sup has agreed to expose me to as many things as possible, even going with her to work on the bizarre cases that she does in schools, and when she said bizarre, or is it absurd, something like that lah, i was thinking to myself how bizarre can it be? but i believe actually. haha. you know sadly in Singapore, there are so many things happening in families that we do not see. please thank God for the family you have. the cases out there really break the heart and make you wonder how they turned ot this way. i think that is what being in social work does, it really broadens your perspective and allows you to see what REALLY happens in homes, dysfunctional patterns, power struggles, seemingly minor symptoms that actually are pervasive. it's a crazy world, it is.
working in student care this placement is definitely a great opportunity for me to work duh, with students. (okay okay, thats not what i really wanted to say, haha) i meant, this would be a great opportunity to work directly with students in the setting where you have the space and authority to make a difference. especially in terms of moulding of character and behaviours. all of you have been youths before or are still youths (for those in self-denial, haha) and that is when influence makes all the difference. im glad my sup told me that when she works with students, she isnt looking at acedemics, but that character and values. and i beat that heartbeat too. i dont want to be too idealistic (crap,i am too practical. laughs) but i believe that God is going to use me to impact some lives this 10 weeks. it is a pity i wont be going to retreat- i know it is gonna be powerpacked coz the Spirit is going to move mightily but i dont regret it, nor am i complaining because what i will be doing will be and has to be empowered by God too. i really dont know what to expect and what kind of people i will meet but i know one thing for sure, and this is my goal for this placement- To stay really close to the Lord so that He can work through my life. social work really requires discernment and the words of the Spirit. i dont what other way or methods i can use except by keeping in step with the Spirit and being so in tune and sensitive to the Lord's voice. the Lord reminded me one thing this morning, and that is "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect."- Romans 12:2 and the only way i can continue to keep in step with the Spirit is to be constantly renewing my mind with the word of God. kinda sad that i wont be able to go for bible study for most of the tues coz it is my work late/meeting day on some of the weeks but i pray that God will still grant me the discipline to continue studying His word.
i pray that this placement will be an experience that will strengthen my faith and my calling. day 2, here i come...
AND, the holidays are gone. laughs. not much of a holiday anyway although i did enjoy myself. the baboons were nice. haha. (i dont think alot of people know what i am talking about but nevermind. haha.)
i was just thinking yesterday morning what i want to get out of placement. it is going to be a ground for learning, a time of being humble and saying "wow,i didnt know that." as well as using the experience and gifts that God has already given me. i would say confidently that i do have an added advantage of having served in the Youth and YA ministry and worked at REACH fsc before. having been in committees and facilitated workshops has proved to be give me an edge BUT, having said that, i am very willing to learn. my supervisor asked me what i wanted to gain out of the whole experience and i told her: experience. i think that being able to apply textbook material to life excites me. finally, i get to use the smelly pile of notes that i study for exams and get to see a whole new world that i read in couselling books. i must say that i was a little disappointed when i was told what i will be doing as a placement student but i also understand why they planned certain things in that manner. despite it, i am grateful that my sup has agreed to expose me to as many things as possible, even going with her to work on the bizarre cases that she does in schools, and when she said bizarre, or is it absurd, something like that lah, i was thinking to myself how bizarre can it be? but i believe actually. haha. you know sadly in Singapore, there are so many things happening in families that we do not see. please thank God for the family you have. the cases out there really break the heart and make you wonder how they turned ot this way. i think that is what being in social work does, it really broadens your perspective and allows you to see what REALLY happens in homes, dysfunctional patterns, power struggles, seemingly minor symptoms that actually are pervasive. it's a crazy world, it is.
working in student care this placement is definitely a great opportunity for me to work duh, with students. (okay okay, thats not what i really wanted to say, haha) i meant, this would be a great opportunity to work directly with students in the setting where you have the space and authority to make a difference. especially in terms of moulding of character and behaviours. all of you have been youths before or are still youths (for those in self-denial, haha) and that is when influence makes all the difference. im glad my sup told me that when she works with students, she isnt looking at acedemics, but that character and values. and i beat that heartbeat too. i dont want to be too idealistic (crap,i am too practical. laughs) but i believe that God is going to use me to impact some lives this 10 weeks. it is a pity i wont be going to retreat- i know it is gonna be powerpacked coz the Spirit is going to move mightily but i dont regret it, nor am i complaining because what i will be doing will be and has to be empowered by God too. i really dont know what to expect and what kind of people i will meet but i know one thing for sure, and this is my goal for this placement- To stay really close to the Lord so that He can work through my life. social work really requires discernment and the words of the Spirit. i dont what other way or methods i can use except by keeping in step with the Spirit and being so in tune and sensitive to the Lord's voice. the Lord reminded me one thing this morning, and that is "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect."- Romans 12:2 and the only way i can continue to keep in step with the Spirit is to be constantly renewing my mind with the word of God. kinda sad that i wont be able to go for bible study for most of the tues coz it is my work late/meeting day on some of the weeks but i pray that God will still grant me the discipline to continue studying His word.
i pray that this placement will be an experience that will strengthen my faith and my calling. day 2, here i come...
Thursday, May 04, 2006
communion with HIM
FINALLY. it is over. and boy, it feels good.
i came home to give my room a good packing after my evening paper.
and now my room is clean and packed. smiles. i like.
so many things have happened in the past few weeks i guess i'll post slowly. haha.
to start off, i took one of those long walks again, and i enjoyed it, just God and me. nothing beats those walks. and i realised something. there are 2 things i really enjoy doing: being alone and being with people. seemingly contradictory yeah? but those are the 2 things i delight in. i delight in spending time alone on walks, talking to God about any and everything, pondering about issues and just observing the sights around me. i think i need my doses of such activities every month. but i delight too in being with people. i think i thrive on conversations, the more i talk, the more awake i feel. i enjoy building others up, i enjoying listening to people, i enjoy hanging out, i just enjoy people. and the seemingly contradiction disappears. because the more i am with people, the more i treasure the times i have alone and perhaps thats exactly what happens- at least for me.
some said to me last night "you have so much capacity for more than what you are doing right now". i respect this person and i know he knows what he is saying. but i dug into my "ministry folder" and i thought to myself literally these words "sure a not?" i am really quite stretched this year and definitely have moved out of my comfort zone. i have accepted challenges, stepped out of my usual boat and even walked on water. i believe i have done things i have never done before, got myself into deals that i didnt expect and i have capacity for more? erm, hello God, i need a breather. and God reminded me on the way home today that He has destined me for greater things then this. He reminded me of what He has called me to, the places i will go, the unimaginable and all these things HE said, are just preparation. i dont want to suffer a burn-out but i also recognise that He will give me strength to go through it all. those who wait on me will soar on wings like eagles. he will run and not grow weary, he will walk and not be faint. and that was all i needed to hear to respond in "yes Lord, use me." struggle as i might, tired as i might be, God is in control of my life and knows what He is doing and i am humbled. who am i, i ask that He will choose to use me? and i thank God for this pure privilege to serve Him. have we taken serving the king of kings for granted? do we complain and grumble when things dont go our way? lets look to Him once again and delight in serving Him. we need to re-align. we need to enjoy the work that He has called us to do.
so as i walked home today, im glad i was able to commune with Him again in such a manner. the next 2-3 months are gonna be hectic months i know (by the way, i start placement- attachment on monday at Clement Student Care.) but i also know that it is gonna be the time of my life. placement, east asia, planning and all, here i come...
i came home to give my room a good packing after my evening paper.
and now my room is clean and packed. smiles. i like.
so many things have happened in the past few weeks i guess i'll post slowly. haha.
to start off, i took one of those long walks again, and i enjoyed it, just God and me. nothing beats those walks. and i realised something. there are 2 things i really enjoy doing: being alone and being with people. seemingly contradictory yeah? but those are the 2 things i delight in. i delight in spending time alone on walks, talking to God about any and everything, pondering about issues and just observing the sights around me. i think i need my doses of such activities every month. but i delight too in being with people. i think i thrive on conversations, the more i talk, the more awake i feel. i enjoy building others up, i enjoying listening to people, i enjoy hanging out, i just enjoy people. and the seemingly contradiction disappears. because the more i am with people, the more i treasure the times i have alone and perhaps thats exactly what happens- at least for me.
some said to me last night "you have so much capacity for more than what you are doing right now". i respect this person and i know he knows what he is saying. but i dug into my "ministry folder" and i thought to myself literally these words "sure a not?" i am really quite stretched this year and definitely have moved out of my comfort zone. i have accepted challenges, stepped out of my usual boat and even walked on water. i believe i have done things i have never done before, got myself into deals that i didnt expect and i have capacity for more? erm, hello God, i need a breather. and God reminded me on the way home today that He has destined me for greater things then this. He reminded me of what He has called me to, the places i will go, the unimaginable and all these things HE said, are just preparation. i dont want to suffer a burn-out but i also recognise that He will give me strength to go through it all. those who wait on me will soar on wings like eagles. he will run and not grow weary, he will walk and not be faint. and that was all i needed to hear to respond in "yes Lord, use me." struggle as i might, tired as i might be, God is in control of my life and knows what He is doing and i am humbled. who am i, i ask that He will choose to use me? and i thank God for this pure privilege to serve Him. have we taken serving the king of kings for granted? do we complain and grumble when things dont go our way? lets look to Him once again and delight in serving Him. we need to re-align. we need to enjoy the work that He has called us to do.
so as i walked home today, im glad i was able to commune with Him again in such a manner. the next 2-3 months are gonna be hectic months i know (by the way, i start placement- attachment on monday at Clement Student Care.) but i also know that it is gonna be the time of my life. placement, east asia, planning and all, here i come...
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Not because of who i am, but because of who YOU are
Who Am I
by Casting Crowns
Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours
I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours
Yes, it is all about who YOU are. Not because of who i am or what i have done. and You still bother. You bother about me, the sovereign Lord tells me i am His.
by Casting Crowns
Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours
I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours
Yes, it is all about who YOU are. Not because of who i am or what i have done. and You still bother. You bother about me, the sovereign Lord tells me i am His.
grateful.
All my secondary and jc life i have woken up at 5plus or perhaps 615am latest, but over the years, since i left uniform-ed education, i have never really woken up regularly at such unearthly hours. i have come to conclude that i am not a morning person, with people having to shake me to wake me up during youth camps, rachlim and i missing morning prayer during retreat (at 630am) which we kept saying we would wake up for. being late for most of my 8am uni classes and needing wake up calls. i have labeled myself as not a morning person and in fact have had many more late nights than early mornings. THEN, i found the joy of waking up early once again. it is not only a good, fresh feeling, feeling all set for the day but also nostalgic as well.
at 530am this morning, (it's 6 now by the way) i crawled out of bed when all was dark, and took a warm shower. when i came out, my family members seemed to be awaking from their slumber. water running, electric shavers, the sound of the washing machine, boiling water and stirring of milos and teas. routine movements around the house as if there was no need to think about where to go or what to do because it was so familiar. i realised have taken all of that for granted. that there would be boiled water when i woke up and that the house will be in order. This family wakes up at 6am. And how many times have i done that since i was in jc? i think not many. This family prays before leaving the house to separate ways. and i miss doing that, i miss those days where i will be sitting at the sofa waiting for daddy to get ready and then we'll pray. no spectacular prayers, and sometimes groggily too, the prayers were uttered faithfully every morning. i used to go "huh? my turn ah?" when i was supposed to pray, but now i know why mum and dad made us do it at home. i used to think that we kept praying the same prayers, why pray anyway? and now i see, i see why mummy and daddy did that every morning and is still doing that with dave. i miss those days, i really do. and i realised, that my childhood, or uniformed days are long over.
i am no longer a child. although i will always be mummy and daddy's children, but i am 21 this year. the concept of growing up and excites me as well as scares me. my future ahead is promising, but definitely not as the world sees it. but does it matter to me? i dont know, perhaps i will know when reality REALLY strikes. but i really thank God for supportive parents, parents who say- "dont look at the salary, look at the lives." i am truly blessed, how many parents in Singapore are like that? not many. the choo family, we dont own a car, we are not rich, (in money) we dont have club memberships, we dont own a big house, neither do we go on many holidays coz that would burn a hole in daddy's pocket but i say we are blessed. we sometimes ask ourselves what we would do if we were rich-er. i have struggled with pursuing my dreams and passions and making my parents proud when their friends ask them what i am doing. perhaps it's a very asian-chinese-confucian mindset where face and reputation is important. but im glad that we are not only asian-chinese, that we are children of God. and that makes all the difference. Children of God don't focus on mian zi (or face) in fact, they throw it away. Children of God desire to be small and lose themselves so that Christ can be made big in their lives. and as children of God, we know the grace of God is upon our family, we are neither in debt, and whats more, we have enough to give generously. and i am grateful. i know my parents have brought me up well, and i know that i might not do them proud in wordly terms, but i will in eternal terms.
this morning i am very thankful, coz i know that where the Lord has brought me today is purely by His grace. and i know i am rich, rich in Him. i know my family is in His hands. daddy, mummy and dave, i love you.
at 530am this morning, (it's 6 now by the way) i crawled out of bed when all was dark, and took a warm shower. when i came out, my family members seemed to be awaking from their slumber. water running, electric shavers, the sound of the washing machine, boiling water and stirring of milos and teas. routine movements around the house as if there was no need to think about where to go or what to do because it was so familiar. i realised have taken all of that for granted. that there would be boiled water when i woke up and that the house will be in order. This family wakes up at 6am. And how many times have i done that since i was in jc? i think not many. This family prays before leaving the house to separate ways. and i miss doing that, i miss those days where i will be sitting at the sofa waiting for daddy to get ready and then we'll pray. no spectacular prayers, and sometimes groggily too, the prayers were uttered faithfully every morning. i used to go "huh? my turn ah?" when i was supposed to pray, but now i know why mum and dad made us do it at home. i used to think that we kept praying the same prayers, why pray anyway? and now i see, i see why mummy and daddy did that every morning and is still doing that with dave. i miss those days, i really do. and i realised, that my childhood, or uniformed days are long over.
i am no longer a child. although i will always be mummy and daddy's children, but i am 21 this year. the concept of growing up and excites me as well as scares me. my future ahead is promising, but definitely not as the world sees it. but does it matter to me? i dont know, perhaps i will know when reality REALLY strikes. but i really thank God for supportive parents, parents who say- "dont look at the salary, look at the lives." i am truly blessed, how many parents in Singapore are like that? not many. the choo family, we dont own a car, we are not rich, (in money) we dont have club memberships, we dont own a big house, neither do we go on many holidays coz that would burn a hole in daddy's pocket but i say we are blessed. we sometimes ask ourselves what we would do if we were rich-er. i have struggled with pursuing my dreams and passions and making my parents proud when their friends ask them what i am doing. perhaps it's a very asian-chinese-confucian mindset where face and reputation is important. but im glad that we are not only asian-chinese, that we are children of God. and that makes all the difference. Children of God don't focus on mian zi (or face) in fact, they throw it away. Children of God desire to be small and lose themselves so that Christ can be made big in their lives. and as children of God, we know the grace of God is upon our family, we are neither in debt, and whats more, we have enough to give generously. and i am grateful. i know my parents have brought me up well, and i know that i might not do them proud in wordly terms, but i will in eternal terms.
this morning i am very thankful, coz i know that where the Lord has brought me today is purely by His grace. and i know i am rich, rich in Him. i know my family is in His hands. daddy, mummy and dave, i love you.
Monday, April 24, 2006
wake up rach
As i woke up this morning, i made it point to thank God for the life that i have, this life that He gae me to the full. i certainly dont want to take this for granted. i really want to share what has been upon my heart for the last week but not fully as it might not be appropriate.
for the past week, i have been grappling with a doctrinal issue and have asked God for one thing, "Lord, i want to belief, help me with my unbelief." i have just been through week of working so much of my brains, and there were times i told God, "i really dont understand!". but through it all, i think i am humbled. i really dont have all the answers yet, God is way too vast but i will not stop in this search and quest for the correct picture of who God is. i was shaken, and i seemed to want to know the answers instantly when the issue i was grappling with obviously couldnt be reconcilled within that night. And as i began to question what i have been believing, and going through this process of searching, (which has not ended) i realised one thing, that we, humans are so selfish. we want it our way and we want God to work on our terms. we think that God is unfair because He allows evil and might have even willed for it. we cry out to God to take away pain when it is there to build our character. we ask God alot of whys but we never try to understand what He is doing. we only want God to be in control when feel like we cannot do it on our own, but when all is well, we ask for free will, we ask for choices. we give God glory when bad is banished and good comes out of something, but we complain when things turn sour. we demand for Him to heal the sick when it someone close to our hearts, but merely sympathize with the souls dying everyday. we embrace blessing and good grades, but stomp our feet when trials come our way. we say that God cannot have willed to do something like this, or that, but are we to determine? we sulk at the fact that there is only free will in the midst of God's will and we complain that we are treated like robots. we complain of unfainess becasue we understand it only in our own lousy vocabulary and adjectives. we are selfish beings, we think that we play big roles in by extending God's kingdom. Let's think again.
Psalm 8:3-9
3 When I consider your heavens,
the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
which you have set in place,
4 what is man that you are mindful of him,
the son of man that you care for him?
5 You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings
and crowned him with glory and honor.
6 You made him ruler over the works of your hands;
you put everything under his feet:
7 all flocks and herds,
and the beasts of the field,
8 the birds of the air,
and the fish of the sea,
all that swim the paths of the seas.
9 O LORD, our Lord,
how majestic is your name in all the earth!
We are really nothing. but God chose, He chose to use us to be part of this great plan and purpose. how are we responding to that? Are we supporting the director of this drama by being the best we can be in this role that we play?
Isaiah 40:21-26
21 Do you not know? Have you not heard?
Has it not been told you from the beginning?
Have you not understood since the earth was founded?
22 He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth,
and its people are like grasshoppers.
He stretches out the heavens like a canopy,
and spreads them out like a tent to live in.
23 He brings princes to naught and reduces the rulers of this world to nothing.
24 No sooner are they planted,
no sooner are they sown,
no sooner do they take root in the ground,
than he blows on them and they wither,
and a whirlwind sweeps them away like chaff.
25 "To whom will you compare me?
Or who is my equal?" says the Holy One.
26 Lift your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these?
He who brings out the starry host one by one,
and calls them each by name.
Because of his great power and mighty strength,
not one of them is missing.
In case you havent noticed, (which i think you would have by this time) our God is THAT sovereign. have you ever marvelled at it? i feel so small when i read these verses. it reminds me how small i am and yet He chooses to partner with me. i am repentant of how so often i have assigned power and worth to myself. And how i have ignorantly thought that my salvation today is all only part of my choice. pui, as if God owed me salvation. we give too much credit to ourselves, it is time to evaluate. salvation is the grace of God, it is not by works, it is a gift. So what are we doing with this gift that He has given us? have we forgotten that we are called out of darkness into His marvellous light? He could have very well banished us to eternal destruction, but we were given this privilege. could we learn to be more grateful and live out a life worthy of what Christ done on the cross? or are we merely indifferent that we are hurting Him again and again by the way we live our lives? oh God forgive me from being so ignorant and self-seeking, i want more of You.
Thank you for challenging my beliefs that night. although i do not fully understand yet, i will continue to be in search. And thank you for praying. God's ways are truly not our ways, i will be praying for too, that God will grant us understanding.
for the past week, i have been grappling with a doctrinal issue and have asked God for one thing, "Lord, i want to belief, help me with my unbelief." i have just been through week of working so much of my brains, and there were times i told God, "i really dont understand!". but through it all, i think i am humbled. i really dont have all the answers yet, God is way too vast but i will not stop in this search and quest for the correct picture of who God is. i was shaken, and i seemed to want to know the answers instantly when the issue i was grappling with obviously couldnt be reconcilled within that night. And as i began to question what i have been believing, and going through this process of searching, (which has not ended) i realised one thing, that we, humans are so selfish. we want it our way and we want God to work on our terms. we think that God is unfair because He allows evil and might have even willed for it. we cry out to God to take away pain when it is there to build our character. we ask God alot of whys but we never try to understand what He is doing. we only want God to be in control when feel like we cannot do it on our own, but when all is well, we ask for free will, we ask for choices. we give God glory when bad is banished and good comes out of something, but we complain when things turn sour. we demand for Him to heal the sick when it someone close to our hearts, but merely sympathize with the souls dying everyday. we embrace blessing and good grades, but stomp our feet when trials come our way. we say that God cannot have willed to do something like this, or that, but are we to determine? we sulk at the fact that there is only free will in the midst of God's will and we complain that we are treated like robots. we complain of unfainess becasue we understand it only in our own lousy vocabulary and adjectives. we are selfish beings, we think that we play big roles in by extending God's kingdom. Let's think again.
Psalm 8:3-9
3 When I consider your heavens,
the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
which you have set in place,
4 what is man that you are mindful of him,
the son of man that you care for him?
5 You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings
and crowned him with glory and honor.
6 You made him ruler over the works of your hands;
you put everything under his feet:
7 all flocks and herds,
and the beasts of the field,
8 the birds of the air,
and the fish of the sea,
all that swim the paths of the seas.
9 O LORD, our Lord,
how majestic is your name in all the earth!
We are really nothing. but God chose, He chose to use us to be part of this great plan and purpose. how are we responding to that? Are we supporting the director of this drama by being the best we can be in this role that we play?
Isaiah 40:21-26
21 Do you not know? Have you not heard?
Has it not been told you from the beginning?
Have you not understood since the earth was founded?
22 He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth,
and its people are like grasshoppers.
He stretches out the heavens like a canopy,
and spreads them out like a tent to live in.
23 He brings princes to naught and reduces the rulers of this world to nothing.
24 No sooner are they planted,
no sooner are they sown,
no sooner do they take root in the ground,
than he blows on them and they wither,
and a whirlwind sweeps them away like chaff.
25 "To whom will you compare me?
Or who is my equal?" says the Holy One.
26 Lift your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these?
He who brings out the starry host one by one,
and calls them each by name.
Because of his great power and mighty strength,
not one of them is missing.
In case you havent noticed, (which i think you would have by this time) our God is THAT sovereign. have you ever marvelled at it? i feel so small when i read these verses. it reminds me how small i am and yet He chooses to partner with me. i am repentant of how so often i have assigned power and worth to myself. And how i have ignorantly thought that my salvation today is all only part of my choice. pui, as if God owed me salvation. we give too much credit to ourselves, it is time to evaluate. salvation is the grace of God, it is not by works, it is a gift. So what are we doing with this gift that He has given us? have we forgotten that we are called out of darkness into His marvellous light? He could have very well banished us to eternal destruction, but we were given this privilege. could we learn to be more grateful and live out a life worthy of what Christ done on the cross? or are we merely indifferent that we are hurting Him again and again by the way we live our lives? oh God forgive me from being so ignorant and self-seeking, i want more of You.
Thank you for challenging my beliefs that night. although i do not fully understand yet, i will continue to be in search. And thank you for praying. God's ways are truly not our ways, i will be praying for too, that God will grant us understanding.
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
it is well with my soul
The views that i have been having all my life are being challenged.
Although i say that it doesn't matter, well in a certain sense it really does.
And maybe i am feeling a little afraid.
But i believe You will show me Lord.
While i am grappling with this, i will say- It is well with my soul.
Help me, Lord.
Although i say that it doesn't matter, well in a certain sense it really does.
And maybe i am feeling a little afraid.
But i believe You will show me Lord.
While i am grappling with this, i will say- It is well with my soul.
Help me, Lord.
Monday, April 17, 2006
it's 8am now and i am pleased
It is 7:24am in the morning and i am awake and feeling cold. this morning i am ponderful and reflective. the cold keeps me wide awake. the bird calls outside my window remind me that God feeds the sparrows, what more about me? i am feeling the cool air morning air seep into the room and i thank God for Singapore. i marvel at the graciousness and mercy of God, how He sustained me through the night and not only that, gave me a good night's rest. that, was a bonus. i am smiling at the song playing on my i tunes- Crossing Over and the memory of what God spoke to me about when i first heard this song flashed through my mind. i am pausing to just savour the words and recapture that memory. this song caused me to pause during worship that saturday and it has caused me to pause once again. i know, Lord, i know... Mr Morning Sun is shining brightly this morning and gone is the cold and rainy night. it's amazing how God controls the comos and the weather. wow. in the midst of global warming, earthquakes and floods, God is still God. He allows disasters to happen but that does not mean He isnt faithful.
i am thanking God for the joy that i have- my salvation. read about other religions for a few days and i am convinvced, with all of my being that YOU are the only way, truth and life. i dont need apologetics this morning. Your presence proves it all this time. i love the morning, but i dont wake up early often enough. i love it when the air is still cool and the construction that has been going on for months downstairs hasnt began. it is quiet and as much i love being with people, i treasure time alone too. i think it's times like this that sustain me through the day, personal time to just think and talk to God. soon, i will be in school and studying again. well, i guess then i have to thank God for school. education and knowing that this is only one of the stops and preparation to what lies ahead. i have dreams, we dream together, me and Him, and talk about things i cannot imagine doing. i let out a soft laugh because some dreams are so seemingly absurd but well, that doesnt stop me from dreaming and having those thoughts in my head.
i am thinking how God has been given me opportunities to minister to others and how they were so unexpected. i know there is one thing that i cannot reject, my own heartbeat. and i am finally at peace about going to EA this July. hey, maybe that's why i could sleep peacefully last night. ha. i am convinced that God really loves the Chinese, He really does. to think i was a jonah and ran away for a whole night, but that didnt last very long, i didnt think the idea of being swallowed by a big fish was all that appealling so yup, i decided i better talk to Him about it. and you know, God will never ask u not to go, it's fat hope if i was waiting for Him to convince me out of it. i know the heart that i have today was one that probably went through a few bypasses, operations and fixing before it got to this stage, beating at this pulse. i never imagined myself thinking of going back but i am, i am. and i thank God for that. it's gonna be different this time, the concerns that i once had will not longer be and i will be truly free to do what He wants to do together with me this time- i truly miss the people, the lives and their lifestyle. God is truly doing a work in my life. truly.
this morning, i feel unrushed, and i am pleased. i savour times like this. there are more thoughts then what i just typed but im saving it for another time. the morning has just begun, and it is a new morning, a new day and i have a new assignment for the day. i am pleased. :) thanks DAD and thank you for making sure i woke up this morning (haha)- appreciate it.
i am thanking God for the joy that i have- my salvation. read about other religions for a few days and i am convinvced, with all of my being that YOU are the only way, truth and life. i dont need apologetics this morning. Your presence proves it all this time. i love the morning, but i dont wake up early often enough. i love it when the air is still cool and the construction that has been going on for months downstairs hasnt began. it is quiet and as much i love being with people, i treasure time alone too. i think it's times like this that sustain me through the day, personal time to just think and talk to God. soon, i will be in school and studying again. well, i guess then i have to thank God for school. education and knowing that this is only one of the stops and preparation to what lies ahead. i have dreams, we dream together, me and Him, and talk about things i cannot imagine doing. i let out a soft laugh because some dreams are so seemingly absurd but well, that doesnt stop me from dreaming and having those thoughts in my head.
i am thinking how God has been given me opportunities to minister to others and how they were so unexpected. i know there is one thing that i cannot reject, my own heartbeat. and i am finally at peace about going to EA this July. hey, maybe that's why i could sleep peacefully last night. ha. i am convinced that God really loves the Chinese, He really does. to think i was a jonah and ran away for a whole night, but that didnt last very long, i didnt think the idea of being swallowed by a big fish was all that appealling so yup, i decided i better talk to Him about it. and you know, God will never ask u not to go, it's fat hope if i was waiting for Him to convince me out of it. i know the heart that i have today was one that probably went through a few bypasses, operations and fixing before it got to this stage, beating at this pulse. i never imagined myself thinking of going back but i am, i am. and i thank God for that. it's gonna be different this time, the concerns that i once had will not longer be and i will be truly free to do what He wants to do together with me this time- i truly miss the people, the lives and their lifestyle. God is truly doing a work in my life. truly.
this morning, i feel unrushed, and i am pleased. i savour times like this. there are more thoughts then what i just typed but im saving it for another time. the morning has just begun, and it is a new morning, a new day and i have a new assignment for the day. i am pleased. :) thanks DAD and thank you for making sure i woke up this morning (haha)- appreciate it.
Thursday, April 13, 2006
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