true fans.

My parents make excellent soccer fans.
Gosh, you should have seen them.
I am really amused.
Laughs.

saying yes and no.

Another successful sabbath. smiles.

I have been attempting to take rests on Sundays and resolutely decided not to even head down to church but to spend time with God alone. (i go down on saturdays in case you think i have backslided, haha. and on sundays only when i have a need to) Well, what do i do then? Instead of hanging out with friends after service, i spend time at home catching up on some reading, talking to my parents and just relaxing- doing things at a slow pace. I have realised that i need to take time off to keep myself going for the year, at least the next half of the year. There are ALWAYS things to do, projects to busy myself with, people to meet but i concluded, after my the last crazy semester, that i really need to take regular breaks. Well, i dont succeed every week, but at least i try and my attempts have proven not too bad ones.

I have also been learning to say 'no' to some things. And goodness, i never thought it would be that hard. But i learn- to do the things that i have to and let go of other things. I haven't been all that good with that, feeling guilty for rejecting certain things and kicking myself for agreeing on others. I struggle between saying yes- because i can and thinking of long term implications of that 'yes'. I never used to look forward so much, but we all learn don't we? And this year, i have been learning what it means to go through processes. So yeah, i really thank God for these important lessons, better learn it now than later.

Well, there are some things that i have been saying 'yes' to and YES indeed! I am pleased to be part of Crossroad 47 and even more pleased to be counted in for this ministry. God has been teaching me valuable lessons as i work with different ones in the ministry and as i serve Him in ways that i have not before. Exploring unknown territories, making conversations never made before, taking risks- but one thing i have really learnt through this is truly: humility. i have to say alot of times that "i really don't know." I don't know what the inner worlds of the youths are like, i don't know how to help them, i don't even know what our relationship means to them, i don't even know if what we dream about is possible- i must say that i start from scratch. But one thing i know: and that is God is faithful and he uses weak things to make His glory known. I know that He has been seeing me through and showing me things that i have never seen before. I know that He has granted me favour in building relationships. I know that He has given me a great pastor who directs, envisions and to serve together with. I know that He WILL see me through. And that is enough. The assurance that God is going to make things perfect (His definition) in His time is overwhelming.

Therefore, i say 'yes' to trusting Him.

my brother.

This was taken on the 23rd of January, and i just wanna say that i love my brother! i think he is so handsome lah. Wah, cannot take it. haha. (dave, i bet your ego big big now.... laughs.) But anyway, i wanted to say that we have grown closer over the years and i believe that he has so much the Lord is gonna use him for. I cannot thank God enough for the gifts and talents He has bestowed upon him, and the immense pride i have for him. He is one of a kind.

And bro, like i always say, you have been destined for great things, use your youth for Him!Love you! :)

what's the difference?

Question #1: What makes a christian any different from a non-christian?

Question #2: What does the verse "By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." (John 13:35) mean?

These two questions amongst others popped up while i was talking to Norman one night and i still have not fully comprehended the answers to them. There are people just as passionate about lives as us. Social workers who give their all forsaking wealth, time, career advancements, and i have seen that they through give their all to meet the needs of the people. (i am ashamed sometimes as i look at some of their lives.) They love one another too don't they? They display brotherly love too right? They give sacrifically as well. Yes, they don't have Christ, but well, their lives seem rather abundant and full to me. So how can one tell really?

To date, i have come to a few conclusions. One. The main difference is the hope that we have, that we know that at the end of the day, we will see Christ face to face and enjoy eternity with Him- to know that what we do has eternal value. Two. We experience true satisfaction, different from the satisfaction that they gain through meet the needs of people and seeing them succeed in life, different from a satisfaction of seeing a family reunited, but we have a satisfaction that surpasses all these. How do i measure? Really- i have no answers, it is something indescribable. Three. The love that we perceive cannot only be measured in the outward fashion and actions. Loving one another is more than merely serving and meeting needs of others, it encompasses more than that. It goes beyond the superficial. There is something about this love that HAS to be different. Simply because God made us different- Children of God as meant to shine. I am pretty determined to discover and seek out what this difference is.

Perhaps you would like to join me on this journey. I don't want to live a mediocre christian life, i desire to be radical for Christ. And that difference then has to be seen, or does it not?
Well, i'll share with you any insights that i gain.

transformation.

"I did not call you to perform great miracles like Elisha, I called you for the miracle of transformation- one life at a time. The transformation that starts with investing in that one life, then two, then three and before you know it, the miracle has already happened."

How unworthy i am for this cost. Lord, help me be the person you called me to be.

Trust His Heart.

Trust His Heart
Words and Music by Eddie Carswell & Babbie Mason

All things work for our good
Though sometimes we don't see how they could
Struggles that break our hearts in two
Sometimes blind us to the truth
Our Father knows what's best for us
His ways are not our own
So when your pathway grows dim and you just can't see Him
Remember you're never alone

Chorus:
God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
When you don't see His plan
When you can't trace His hand
Trust His heart

He sees the master plan
He holds our future in His hand
So don't live as those who have no hope
All our hope is found in Him
We see the present clearly
But He sees the first and the last
And like a tapestry
He's weaving you and me
To someday be just like Him

He alone is faithful and true
He alone knows what is best for you

To all those who are doubting, to those who are going through situations where you can seem to understand, this song is specially for you. It has touched my heart, the very core of humanity and hopefully it will minister to yours. God is faithful, will you trust His heart? I am taking Your hand Lord. Smiles.

time, complexities and me.

"Einstein said that the only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once. In this regard, Einstein said that time was basically what a clock reads; the clock can be any action or change, like the movement of the sun." - Wikipedia.org

"Time hasn't stopped for any troubles, heartaches, or any other malfunctions of this world, so please don't tell me it will stop for you." - C.S. Lewis

Time is a measurement of the past, present and future. And time certainly waits for no one. I never really thought of this until yesterday evening when i caught a glimpse of Mr. Sun setting at the reservior opposite my place. As i was returning home on board the bus, i saw the bright orange sky and i told myself that i had to go and catch the sunset. Upon saying that, i told God, "Hold it for me, i'm almost reaching!" I was eager to rush across the road and up the steps to the waterfront. But i was slowed down by many puddles of water due to the downpour earlier, plus having to make a detour because of the muddy grass as well as the heavy traffic during the peak hour. In the midst of trying to catch the sunset, which was actually only less than 100m worth of a walk, i realised how easy it was to miss the sunset. Within minutes, the sun was almost down and the moon was in the sky. However, I still managed to catch the orange sky, marvel at the Lord's creation and in this process learnt a few lessons that i wish to share with all of you.

1. Time certainly waits for no men. In a blink of an eye what is done cannot be undone. And i began to pray that my life will be lived with no regrets. That every minute that i have will be God centered and lived for Him. "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." (1 Cor 10:31) And that is what i pray my life will count for, that it will never be a life wasted.
2. God is a sovereign and marvellous God. He could have held the sunset for me, made the sun set a bit slower so that i could enjoy it. But He obviously didn't. Imagine if he did! Do you know that the earth's processes are extremely fragile? Change certain processes, slow down certain movements and you get chaos happening! Was reading up on the sun and it is really fasinating, truly amazing.
3. Linked to the last point, God is really a God of complexities. It is already amazing enough how the sun works, how the sunset occurs, why it even does and how time is derived from it but think about this for a moment: This is not the only process that happens in the universe. God has to synthesize many other processes to allow earth to function at such a state that we might live in it. THAT, my friends, really blows my mind. He managed to piece it all together just so that we might be able to have life. And this is what it means when we call God omnipotent.

And do you know that that is how God works in your life too? Experiences you have had, people that you interacted with, places that you go or went to, successes you enjoyed and even your failures- All of this, He pieces them together to form a masterpiece of YOUR life. It is like a patchwork piece, where by themselves, the patches are pretty and nice- they are individual pieces of art even by themselves. When put together, they form a picture, a piece of work that is complete, that is a masterpiece. And so it is for each of our lives, the patches could be significant and individual experiences, encounters or events in and of themselves but when put together with the rest, they form a complete picture of God's perfect plan for your life.

Knowing this, i see each encounter that i have as not a means to an end, but part of a beautiful picture of my life that God is creating. I learn to see things beyond its immediacy and i gain a perspective that what happens now will have eternal impact. I learn to enjoy the process instead of look at the results, to accept failures as part of a growth process, and to recognize that He truly has my future in mind when He brings me through ANY and EVERY experience. He weaves all that i go through and never lets any experience go to waste, only to prepare and use them for what is ahead. And through this, i began to understand a little of what Pastor David Lim always preaches, to do things "in light of His coming again".

This revolutionalizes the way i serve as well. I see my ministries and service not just to achieve results or reach a certain target. But i see my service as a process to build my relationship with Christ, to grow in character, to learn His heartbeat- and that would also mean doing what He wants me to do. As Sis Ervina shared with me that day, "God is more concerned about our relationship with Him than our service. (or the things that we do)" And how true is this! I must learn to stop focusing on the achievement and start learning to focus on the relationship with my saviour and Lord, because to be with Him has to be my greatest joy and desire!

I am awed truly by how magnificant our God is and humbled that He would choose to take delight in my small and insignificant life. How amazing. :)

"When i consider your heavens, the work of your hands, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him? You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honour. You made him ruler over the works of your hands; you put everything under his feet: all flocks and heards, and the beasts of the field, the birds of the air, and the fish of the sea, all the that swim that paths of the seas. O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!"- Psalm 8:3-9

together with you.

"5 ... 4 ... 3 ... 2 ... 1 ... Happy New Year!"
-To God be the Glory in the background-
"Rach, put 2006 behind- your failures and disappointments and move forward."
"Okay, God, i'm letting go, i have to."
"This year is gonna be a year of tremendous growth. Will you trust in me?"
"Trust... Help me Lord, when i can't believe."
"Let's conquer 2007 together shall we? i can't wait..."

wow. what grace. 2007, i'm taking Your hand Lord.

your faithfulness.

Changes and transitions. Sometimes i think i wish for stability, other times i desire to break out of routine. I am a confused kid. But looking back at 2006, it has been a year of adaptation, of accomodation, of simply embracing life. I believe this year marked a season in my life where i dare say was the most stretching. I look back at what i have achieved, where i have failed, relationships forged, growth taken place and i smile at it. It hasn't been all ups, but it has been the best year of my life. I don't know how else to describe it, perhaps they are all thoughts that are yet to be translated to words. But one thing i know for sure at the end of the year is that God has been faithful. He has never once failed me although i failed Him so many times, He has never left me although sometimes i felt He did and He has certainly seen me through 2006, through thick and thin.

Thank you Jesus. You rock my world. Smiles.

better sleep.

I think I'm thinking a tad bit too much tonight.
Go to bed rach. Just sleep.
It'll be a great day tomorrow, I promise.

By the way, Cameron was great. Will post some pictures up sometime soon. It was a good time of rest and just enjoying one another. :)

gone again.

Exams have passed, so has rhema, and so has leaders' retreat. This is crazy, december madness. And in a few hours time, I'll be going to Cameron Highlands. It'll be a great time away with the family, and with God. I'm looking forward to spending time away from the hussle of life, of the busyness of ministry and just rest. Believe it or not, I have not recuperated from the exams and rhema. And with the workplan retreat, I sure felt old. And I upgraded to "lao lao" position this year since pastor cuixian called me that one of the nights. For those who do not know, "lao lao" means I am of the older category. Norman calls it seniority, I just call it old. But yes, I do feel older after all the rock climbing, rope course and rafting. Give me this 2 or 3 years back, i'll be in top form all fit and fast, but now, I'm just aching and i feel just .. .. .. old. hahaha.

Anyway, if you are bored and you just want to find out about Cameron, you can visit the site (click on the word Cameron), courtesy of Johann Tay, laughs, I think sometimes friends are very funny, they do interesting things but nonetheless, thanks bro, now people can enjoy this too. haha.

Okay, off I go again, I;m looking forward to the long bus ride- all good for reflection and solitude. As well as spending time with dave, it's gonna be great. Smiles.

Rhema 2006

Finally, the arrival of Rhema Conference 2006. It's gonna be a blast. Those who are still watching this space, please do keep the youths attending in prayer. They are all that is on my mind right now. haha. and please pray for the committee as well. I think we are are geared up, but tired also. I came down with a runny nose this morning so i hope it goes off soon, if not the tissue packets add extra weight to my already bulky bag!

For those who come home every night after the conference, i trust that you will be ministered to. The word from me for all conferees or those serving is this: EXPECTATION. Go expecting God to do something. Go with a desire to seek His face. And go, with a heart ready to be moulded by what He desires to speak to each one of you about.

This is about as much i can afford to type. haha. i gotta run, but know that i am excited about what God is gonna do in each of the lives that attend this conference. And i pray that i will be a servant as i walk through this 4 days, to serve you who will be there. God, humble me. Coz it's all about You Lord.

Signing off,

Chairperson of Rhema Conference, BUT servant of Christ.

one of those quizzes.

It's been some time since I did something like this, so this was done at 1:45am this morning, just for the fun of it. haha. Thought I would have a laugh over it, but hmm, most of it- rather accurate, for once. grins. And my bloodtype is B+! okay, Jeanie might say I have flouted the maxim of relevance, but ah well, this is my blog. hahahaha.

You Have A Type B+ Personality

You're a pro at going with the flow You love to kick back and take in everything life has to offer A total joy to be around, people crave your stability. While you're totally laid back, you can have bouts of hyperactivity. Get into a project you love, and you won't stop until it's done You're passionate - just selective about your passions

Do You Have a Type A Personality?

one word.

The questions I asked are answered in one word: PRAY.
And that, I will do.
God give me strength for today, hope for tomorrow.

read me.

"Good writing is modest. It does not draw attention to itself. Good writing does not try to show off the writer's intelligence. It lets the content speak for itself, and it allows readers to receive messages directly. Writing should not get in the way of what people need and want to read."

- Stovall, J.G. in Writing for the Mass Media

I like this quote because it parallels how our Christian life should be like. Our lives should speak for itself and who we are should proclaim "messages" of who our God is. It should reflect His attributes, tell of His goodness, and people; just like they read good writing, can receive a message- a message that reveals a salvation plan, His plan.

Are we through our lives, obstructing others from reading what they "need and want to read"? Let's not prevent them from discovering who God is because we hide Him instead of declare His praises.

Think about it, when people look at you, do they "read" Christ without you even drawing attention to yourself?

"And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." -2 Corinthians 3:18

Are you reflecting His glory increasingly?

your purpose and will.

I had a good 1-hour of prayer with Christy yesterday afternoon in the privacy of a room in NUS. We had no agenda, just sat down in stillness and quietness and prayed. I have not had such waiting on the Lord for sometime and it was overwhelming. I truly enjoyed myself.

It was a time of praising, of thanking, of casting what we desired, what we longed for at His feet. And nothing beat that time spent. I could have finished up my pile of medical social work notes that afternoon but I have no regrets. Some things can wait, others can't and this was something that I really needed, time away, in quietness.

And I believe we were both blessed as we ministered to each other. At 1st I think I was rather uncomfortable with the silence. It seemed too unreal, too... silent. But i told myself I had to focus on the Lord. And when I did, the Lord spoke, the prayers came and it just flowed. At the end of the 1-hour, we both just couldnt get enough of it. I prayed that we would leave still with prayer continuously on our lips, what an awesome time we had.

I was reminded too of things that the Lord has placed upon my heart and there were others that set me thinking. Regarding an issue, I remember uttering this one line, "Lord, if it is your will and what you desire, even if it means taking more of my time and energy, I want to do what You want." And that will remain my prayer. (I just recevied an email from ps kieran and well, it might just be an open door for something that I prayed about. heh.) I really thank God for bringing Christy into my life, a mentor and a dear friend. A sister who whould spend time helping me grow, creating opportunities for me to serve, and be equipped. I thank God she takes time to sit down and listen to me, and really genuinely wants to invest in my life. I am truly blessed. And God brought her at such a timely season of my life, He really knows my needs. Thank you Lord, thank you.

And at the end of the day, my question to myself and many others is this (cliche as it might sound) but: Have we been so busy in life and with life that we even rush to spend time with God? I have been rebuked and disciplined by God recently and I am day by day, learning what it means again to just seek Him ALONE and spend time with Him. I am struggling, I have to admit, to sit down and be still. But I resolve to do something about it. To rearrange the clutter in my life, to clear away things that clog up the space in my heart and to re-focus. To re-focus on the things that really matter. Has the busyness of ministry or expectations of life taken a toil on you? Rest in God, my dear brothers and sisters, rest in Him, and take absolute delight in His presence.

"What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?" -Matthew 16:26

Yes, what good would it be if I serve so much in ministry and give my everything, my time, my life but YET, forfeit my soul? What use would all that I have done be if at the end of the day I realise that I lost myself and lost God in the process? Does what I do have eternal value? Jesus was busy and had many things to do when He was on earth, (so did Paul) but the difference was that He did the will of God. If you ask me, that is exactly what I need to do, the will of God. Not max up my time with activities in church, or build lives, or even evangelize, (yes, these are all things God would want me to do.) but- what is it that is in accordance to His will NOW?

And so, at the end of the day, my prayer is that I will do His will. Nothing else. Lord, let me thrive in Your presence and move with Your direction.

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21

Give me YOUR purpose Lord. Yours only.

a God who neither slumbers nor sleeps.

Psalm 121

I lift up my eyes to the hills--
where does my help some from?
My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip--
he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.

The LORD watches over you--
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not arm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

The LORD will keep you from all harm--
he will watch over your life;
the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

This is my God. Is He yours?

joy in spite of.

There is much to thank God for, even though i am not in my best frame of health (spiritually and physically). But i am going to choose to praise Him even here. The past few weeks have been crazy for me. School, ministry and more ministry has sadly tired me out and drained me. When asked how are you doing, i would often reply, "surviving" and smile at that. i was just moving on, doing what i was supposed to do, trying to be faithful to fulfill all my responsibilities. I knew what i was doing- its not like im just doing things for the sake of it and i love God. But thru it all, there was one thing that i was missing out on- Myself. i was losing myself. What's wrong with that, you may ask. God asked us to deny ourselves take up our cross and follow Him right? Yes, that is true, but God said one thing to me that caused me to stop and listen, and that was, "My child, what i want is YOU."

I battled with God over that- i told Him that i serve Him with all that i have, and have been giving and loving people, what is lacking really? What does wanting ME require? i am still learning this very simple truth, that God loves me, not the sacrifices i give. i am learning what being vs doing means. And its a struggle because I say, "Lord, what can i do to improve the state i am in?" and God says, "Just trust and walk with me." Woah, very tough to just- be. Especially when i have minimal time and maximum work, its so hard to let go of the choleric side and trust. But i am learning, i need to allow the moulding process to take place, and gosh, i am so imperfect.

The awareness of how weak i am, how far i am from the mark really humbles me. Without Christ i am really nothing. The things i do would mean nothing, the life i live, would be wasted. And God, i sure dont want at the end of my life thinking i have slogged so hard and hear Christ saying to me, 'i tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me... go away in eternal punishment, ' (context, Matthew 25:31-46) i want my life to count for Christ, i want to do what Jesus would. And i dont think i am being hard on myself.

My mentor, Christy, (we are in this relationship in a very divine way, will share more another time) is such an amazing woman. I was just telling esther yesterday that it is so different having female-care compared to how Ps Ronald and Kieran look out for me. (i know they care for me too, but herm, they are just guys and i guess guys are just well.... different. ha.) So, I was sharing with Christy how lousy i feel, how overwhelmed i am and after pouring my heart out, she said, "i am so blessed by what you shared." and i was taken aback. Christy somehow manages to turn my struggles around and say that God teaches her things from it and she is blessed. And i dunno how to describe that feeling, it is just super humbling. it makes me feel so awed by God- how He can use my inadequacies to bless. and i feel small all over again. i feel like a child encouraged by daddy and i am blown by His greatness. Its like standing under a clear night sky full of stars- that kind of feeling.

And this morning God spoke to me thru Ps 73, tears just came, and His presence so real. i would love to share more. but tonight okay? i need to rush to school for class, hehe. and cell later. :) its gonna be an amazing time. i think i understand a little of what it means to have joy in the midst of trials and tiredness.

complete abandonment of self.

I had a long talk with Him today. And conclusion is: I can't go on anymore without You Lord. I never should have/could anyway. I was left needing, wanting, yearning, broken and in complete abandonment of self. I can ONLY depend on Him to survive the rest of my semester, or rather, the rest of my life.

"You are my strength when i am weak,

You are the treasure that i seek

You are my all in all."

It's all about You Jesus, this process is not easy, but i know You will be with me. And I will bear this in mind, "you won't be able to see the mountain tops until you are in the valleys."

will be back.

i really need a break.

Oh how many times have i broken your heart, but still you forgave if only i asked. Oh how many times have you heard me say, "draw near to me".