different yet the same.

"... ... Why should i scramble down this side and up the other to find after my labours the same soil still beneath me and the same heaven above? It would be laughable to suppose that the country beyond the gorge can be any different from the country on this side of it... ... Nature has already done all she can for our comfort and amusement, and the man who does not find content at home will seek it vainly abroad... ...", said their host

"There might be different people on the other side of the canyon," suggested John in the monentary pause that followed.

"That's even less likely," said Mr Sensible. "Human nature is always the same. The dress and manners may vary, but I detect the unchanging heart beneath the shifting disguises. If there are men beyond the canyon, rest assured that we know them already. They are born and they die, and in the interval between they are the same lovable rascals that we know at home."

- The Pilgrim's Regress by C.S. Lewis

That was one thing that i learnt from my EA trip, that well, youths are pretty much the same at any part of the world. The culture might be different. They might eat man tous for staples instead of rice. The songs they sing might be different, their dress and speech might vary- but well, beyond those things, they are generally like us when we were youths. (or still are) They go through identity issues, they compare their worth with others, they have bgr issues, they are concerned about their appearance, they have problems with their parents, they squabble with their friends, they can bear hatred in their hearts towards others, they lack love and are searching, they give attitude when they dont really like what they are doing, they sometimes oblige you when you ask them questions, friends are their priority for now, they find their parents a nuisence, and more- whatever you can name.
(ps: of course there are many other things you can infer from that passage but well, i chose this one.)

And as i looked at the youths i encountered in Shandong, i wish i could have reached out even more to them. i understand my limitations, i am but one person with 24 hours a day. i wished i could have loved and ministered to each one of them personally but i couldnt. beneath the front and the guises, there were broken hearts, some needing walls rebuilt, others yearning for the love that i couldnt find. i found myself wanting to embrace them wanting to reach out. i believe i did whatever i could while i was there. and upon looking back i realised- really, youths all over the world go through the same set of issues, the same pain, victories, dreams and struggles. and God deepened by burden for youths. God placed within my heart a desire to reach and to love. and i believe slowly but surely, He will mould and prepare my heart for my next phase in life. i am beginning to see and understand what He is doing. Not the full picture but it's forming. And i am following. By the way, thanks Munrong (i know she doesnt visit, but still would like to express gratitude), for praying that day. it was exactly what i needed.

i miss the youths in Shandong. i really do...

freedom

You want freedom so bad but yet you reject the truth...

"If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

-John 8:31-32

know Him? love Him?

i went for BS yesterday and i realized how hungry i was! And no, it wasn't physical hunger i am talking about, i had a good portion of fried hokkien mee, i was so hungry for the solid teaching of the word! i stopped going for BS for about 3 months because i was so busy with placement and prep for my EA trip and yesterday when i went, i was just so excited. like REALLY excited. you can ask liang. and i trust that although it took a while to adjust to the long period of sitting, with quite occasional popping of sweets into my mouth, (you see,i havent sat down to listen to lessons in a long time) i dare say i was fed. i loved it! every bit of it. it was sound teaching and it really rekindled my love for the word! i left convvted that what i knew was so so little. i left feeling like i really wanted more. i left wanting to read more of the word. i left looking forward to going back for more. and you know what, it wasnt the teacher, sure- she was gd. it wasnt the company- although i love hanging out with this group. it wasnt the location- goodness, its more than an hour from my place. it was the POWER in the word of God. phoar. it is awesome.

let me tell you that the bible is not just a book. neither is it a fairy tale. it is not a dusty stack of papers. it is not a paper weight. and no, it certainly does not have power on its own because it cant do anything being just left on the shelf or on the table. the power comes when you make a choice to live it out. it is powerful when God uses it to convict. it cuts into our hearts when you allow it to. it transforms lives, it is THAT powerful. i was talking to joseph on the way back home today, and we both agreed that there is no other better way to know God then through His word. everything you do- prayer, worship, serving etc hinges on the word of God. the basis of all that we do comes from the word. the infallible truth. you say you have eternal life? eternal life is this: "that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent."- John 17:3. And how else will you know the Lord? im sure experiences are essential, but our experiences got to be backed up with the word or else they are just like any other experience that any other religions offer.

the church needs to go back to the word. back to the truths that will transform lives and compel you to live a life that reflects Christ. having said all of that, one thing still stands: the knowledge MUST transform your life. if not, its all words and well, (to put it crudely) trash for that matter. this is how serious i am this time about the word- and i dont think i have to apologize about what i truly believe in. love God? love His word.

Greetings!

To all who have blessed me in some way or another during my placement period, there is so much to thank God for. if i shared with you in the past 3 months, you will understand why i am so grateful. if not, you can ask me, i will gladly share. smiles.


Greetings in the name of the Lord!

Rachel, a child of God and a servant of Christ- Grace and peace from God our Father and Lord Jesus Christ be to you my fellow brethren.

Praise be to God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ who has blessed us in so many ways. In His marvellous riches, He has bestowed His mercy upon me, His most unworthy servant. Today, i boast of nothing except how undeserved i have been but yet in His great mercy and plan, He has given me an A- for my placement grade! How wonderful to be called a child of God! In Him we have His lavished love and plan for our lives, in most unexpected ways.

For this reason, I thank you for your generous giving in terms of prayers. I keep asking that because of your prayers, you may be blessed in every way as well, giving thanks to God for what He has done. I have not stopped praising God for what He has done. You too are included in this great blessing when you hear this testimony becuse you are His possession.

Therefore, i urge you, to never cease in your prayers and diligence in service to the Lord becausee He honours your work for Him. I am a living testimony of this truth. Time and time again I have received His undeserved blessings. Work hard for the Lord and serve Him in every way that He directs you, be fearless for Him and always keep praying.

Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you. I, Rachel, type this greeting with my own hand. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all.

my strange dream

i woke up with a very strange dream this morning. i dreamt that President Nathan was the MP for my district and we had a chat. it was one of those crazily strange dreams. only when i woke up then i realised he was the president- in the dream he was only an indian MP. and we were talking about social work and God. He said he read my blog. Do you know how absurd that dream sounds? Very. but it left me thinking for a while. yes, it was a dream. but will i one day impact Singapore for Christ? will there come a day where the top leaders will declare the praises of the one who called us out of darkness into His marvellous light?

i start small. i will start plowing where i am. i have dreams but i start small. and i know that He is leading me to territories i have never entered before. places i have never been but places i will go. God is really full of surprises but He has a path prepared for you and me. and i am prepared to walk that path. i am prepared to go the path of simple obedience as Aunty Priscilla (rachlim's aunt who i spent sweet fellowship with in shanghai) said.

there is something heavy in my heart tonight. i cant figure out exactly what it is but i will sort it out with God. into my prayer closet i will go...

sneak preview

i am back! back from my previous "blogging hibernation" status and back from shanghai/shandong. finally, i had an awesome trip, one that i will never forget. well, i do not forget any of my trips but this trip has left me yearning for more. i will update you with more snippets from my daily journal, but here's a sneak preview...

Things that i have done for the FIRST time in my life for the past 2 weeks:
(in no order of preference, date, time whatsoever)

Food i ate for the 1st time
1. Fried insects (called can2 by the shandong locals) which taste like softshell crab by the way.
2. Duck chin
3. Amazingly sweet peaches (i can see suhui drooling- sorry abt the mishap dear.)
4. Man tous as staple food
5. Chicken feet as a cold dish
6. You2 tiao2 wrapped with chee cheong fan
7. Sour tou hua (yucks.)
8. Shao bing (something like roti prata but much thicker and stuffed with fillings in between)
9. Prawns that are the size of a 20 cent coins
10. Actually there are alotalot others but i dont know their names and i must have forgotten many.

Things i did for the 1st time
1. Co-lead a mission team to China
2. Teach in mandarin in front of at least a 100 youths and young adults
3. Have ah yi's (aunties- 40-80 years old) sit into my small group discusions and respond to my teaching
4. Pray in mandarin for healing for an auntie
5. Take a 12-hour bus ride with beds
6. Take a 16-hour train ride
7. Pluck peaches from a peach farm
8. Dance with a hired waiter at a thai resturuant (yum. haha!)
9. Wear a chinese princess costume and get a photoshoot, with very amused tourist shooting pictures too
10. Bargained until i felt tired
11. Have purple hair extensions
12. Be crazy enough over a drama serial called "The prince that turned into a frog" (erm, esther & hann: is that what it is called? haha) to stay up an watch it
13. Have to change my "script" and instead do a pre-evangelistic group discussion and teaching instead of an assigned material
14. Enjoy loving youths
15. See the Yellow River
16. i will add others as i recall...

There were many things i did, saw, visited and experienced. of which many brought me to know Him better, to love Him and His people more. i will update more i promise. and you can take my word for it. because i have learnt the power in sharinf testimonies- God works in marvelous ways. all i can say is- i am amazed. :)

right now, i will retreat to my more than comfortable bed. "oh my dear- how i miss you... clean touch of the sheets, the softness against my face. wait no more, here i come..."

Your heart, my heart.

i didnt intend to post any entry anytime soon. its 12:57am now and i was thinking i need to sleep soon. i got to work tomorrow. but my spirit is stirring, and i cant sleep. i cant seem to pinpoint really why i am feeling like that. so i decided that i should type it out, so that i get to take a step back and see a clearer picture. God is moving somehow within me, and i think i know why.

His presence has been with me through the past few weeks. i am drowning in my attempts to juggle ministry and work attachment. sometimes i get so busy with work that i forget who He is. i can get caught up with doing His work and forget who i am really working for. i know i try to do my best in the things that are before me, but i fall short sometimes. and God reminded me of something that He said to me last week, "My child, I am proud of you."- something i hold so dear to me. and that is what i want to say to the youths that God has placed under my care- whether it be at work or in ministry. i want to be proud of them. God has been showing me what it means to love the youths and i am begining to learn to see the worth in each of them. to see really, the big white space instead of that black dot on a clean piece of paper. that is how God sees each of us too. in fact, He wipes away that black spot. and i want that heartbeat too.

i was blown away as my colleague and i discussed about a case that i am handling now. we talked about the client, but more than that, what blew me away were the things i learnt about people. i knew those things through the many modules i took in school but now i really see what it means as we talked. even as i begin to think more deeply about human behaviour, i believe God was opening the eyes of my heart. theories came to life for me and i suddenly realised how much more complex humans are then i thought! i shared with my EA team yesterday that i want to be able to serve God through my work, even though i might be constrained by my tiredness. and i really want to be able to minister to needs even in this few weeks. perhaps i wont accomplish miracles or too big things, but i know, that i want what happens in the remaining few weeks to be things that are according to His will and purpose. this is what i want to invest my life in- people. they sure are complicated, delicate beings, but they can live for so much more. today i saw that, i saw hope in families. i saw what it meant to believe in the best of people. and for once, i understood.

tonight, i just feel so close to Him. His heartbeat just beats upon mine.
and i dont want this feeling to ever leave.
turn this feeling to a conviction, something i live for.
i never want to depart from Your heart.
the heart of one who truly loves.
so close my Lord, so close...

beautiful.

There are so many things i want to post, but i dont have the time and the energy. smiles. ask me, i will gladly tell you. the only thing i want to say here is that HE is so beautiful. And His love is amazing. Bask in His presence.

re-aligned.

When my eyes lose sight of the vision, when the work ahead fills my hands and i forget how to lift them up to the Lord, when my strength is taken away and i feel the strain, YOU remind me once again of Your love, that perfect love for Your people. And once again i fall into Your embracing arms of love. Your love is all i need and boy, am I immersed in it. Once again i am re-aligned.

Needful Hands
By Jars of Clay

Verse 1:
For those under the clouds
Staring up in awesome wonder
As tears come slowly down
I'm reaching up a needful hand

Chorus:
You are my eyes when I cannot see
You are my voice, see, sing through me
You are my strength in weakness be

Verse 2:
To find that I could fall
And still your grace surrounds, pursuing
To freely stumble downI feel your hands around my heart

Bridge:
You are my strength, my voice, my eyes
I lift up needful hands
You are my strength, my voice, my eyes
I lift up needful hands

get moving!

God is moving...

ARE YOU?

agonizers

Sitting in my office, with my earphones on, I am able to slip into my own world while still being aware of my surroundings. I thank God that today I have some time to myself because it has been a slow day, and my work really only starts at 730pm. Since I started placement, I guess it has been a struggle waking up early to spend time with God, although I have made attempts to on quite a number of days. Some days I just can’t wake up, just too knocked out. However, the times that I share with God are precious ones. Along the way home, reading devotionals and every little snippet of word from Him I cling on to. And although perhaps this is not the ideal, but I enjoy these times with Him. What do you deem as quiet time? Is it only a set time and space? Yes, I believe we should spend time with God behind closed doors, but we must remember that we are able to go through every moment of our lives, walk through the day together with Him, being sensitive to the voice of God and practicing His presence everywhere we go.

I just read a devotional during my lunch break about prayer. Leonard Ravenhill has inspired me in more ways than one, this is what he wrote,
“The place of prayer is more than a dumping ground for all our anxieties, frets, and fears. The place of prayer is not a place to drop a shopping list before the throne of a God with endless supplies and limitless power.
I believe the place of prayer is not only a place where I lose my burdens, but also a place where I get a burden. He shares my burden and I share His burden. "My yoke is easy and my burden is light." To know that burden, we must hear the voice of the Spirit. To hear that voice, we must be still and know that He is God.”

Amazing. I am truly inspired by this man of God whose heart is sold out to the Lord. I want the heart of this man as well. That heart of prayer that is so unceasing yet an extremely humble man. Are we agonizing in prayer, going on our knees and desiring to see God move in our land today? The more I type this, I more I wished I was at home, that I can have a private space to go down on my knees in prayer! My heart’s desire is that R-age is a place where our young people will be agonizers in prayer for their loved ones, for their campus, for the ministry and for their land. I don’t think this is too big a request to make. Will YOU join me in prayer?

mums and cute.

And i must add this, coz its quite hilarious i think. i came home one evening with these 2 items on my table:
me: mum, erm, did you buy me these?
mummy: YAH! so cute right! the tissue box so cute and somemore small and handy!
By the way, my mummy knows i like Strawberry Shortcake, it used to be one of my favourites but i didnt expect her to BUY it. hahaha.

she is so funny lah. i love her to bits! laughs.

passion.

As i thought back about the week. there is one thing that resounds in my mind: passion. i ask myself what being passionate is all about. and i came up with one definition, not a dictionary one but here it is: To love what you are doing and do it will so much zeal that even if your body cries out for rest, you will still press on because you believe in what you are doing. It was the 1st time in my life i actually felt passionate about what i was doing. i felt as if this is what i want to do for the rest of my life. And i shared this with becky together with a question, "How could i have lived the rest of my life not feeling this way before?" and she replied very simply, "because you didnt know what it feels like in the past, of course you cant desire for it." how true. i was contented with the life i was living. i enjoyed serving the young pple, being in the cell ministry but last week it was much more than enjoyment, it felt like passion bubbling up within me.

i was suffering from lack of sleep, muscle aches, sore arms and a mind that couldnt stop working. being a social worker last week kept me on the move all the time. when i was sitting down for lunch, my mind was thinking about what i was to next. walking along, i tried to think of the plans to type out when i got back to the office. even while i rested on bed, sometimes i would be thinking of a kid i met during the day and utter a short prayer for him or her before i conked off in bed. and by friday, boy, i was exhausted. i didnt even get to go for PNP coz of work and missing PNP is something that hasnt happened in a while. BUT, despite is all, it was worth it. every bit of the energy spent and the aches were worth it. i learnt so much about kids, youths and their families. the systemic appraoach just came to life for me. to see youths scolding vulgarities to your face, raising the fist at the instant they dont feel happy about something, having a language so flowery that it really amazes me, where on earth are these words created?? and seeing kids who so innocently want to "take revenge" becasue of the need to protect their siblings and feeling lousy because they cant. i see so much manifest in the excusions and outings i have with them. they are kids with needs, even though seemingly tough and streetwise, they lack one thing, and that is simply: love, unconditional love. For someone to see the strengths in them, to be willing to sit down with them and be concerned about there seemingly rotten lives, their broken families and their dysfunctional relationships. these are kids whom would invest my time and my energy in. whose behaviour is only but a mask of what is within them. i was talking to one youth during a bbq, we happened to have a quiet spot to talk, and he shared with me how the teachers see them as hopeless, (NT class) and no one really believes in them. frankly, despite the vulgarities they have hurled at us before, my heart went out to them. because beyond the tough front, the "bully" image and the difficult attitudes, are people who are lacking and needing. and i know, working with these kids are really not easy. it is honestly a love-hate relationship, but yet, there is a part of me that tells me that these are kids that can live for so much more.

after 3 weeks where i am working, there is one question i constantly ask the Lord, "How do you want me to reach out to them? and Jesus, what would you do?" and i know bit by bit, little by little, these hard hearts will be softened. the primary school kids can be moulded, the rough attitudes of the youth can be corrected, byt hte grace of God. And God cooses to partner with us for this transformation- if only we are willing to got he extra mile for them. this is more than work, this are lives and souls that we are talking about...

Return to Him

"The deception does not last: but it leaves a habit of sin behind it." -C.S. Lewis

How true this is. with any form of sin, there will be a time when you realize that you have been deceived. when you know that what you have been doing is not pleasing in God's sight, neither is it something you want to continue doing anymore- just, detestful. but yet... you continue in it, because it has become a habit. we are creatures of habit. do something consistently for 11 days and it will become a habit. perhaps the sin you were dwelling in was pleasing to the flesh. perhaps it was desirable, appealing. but you realize one morning that there is just something not right about it. you feel ashamed, guilty, angry with yourself and the people around and maybe even God. you feel like you want to get out of it, but you dont know how. and the cycle contines again. you fall into it and you end up feeling guilty. THIS is what sin and the law does to us. the feeling of guilt and shame YET an the inability to get out of it. my friends, God has paved a way out for us, just as He provided a way for Israel although they refused to listen.
"'O Israel come back to me,' says the Lord. 'If you will throw away your detestable idols and go astray no more, and if you will swear by my name alone, and begin to live good honest lives and uphold justice, then you will be a blessing to the nations of the world, and all the people will come and praise my name." Jeremiah 4:1-2
The Lord calls us back to Him. He extends HIs merciful arms towards us. but are we willing to give up our habits, our desires, our pleasures for Him? are we will to stand for righteousness? God has paved a way for us. Repentance is the way. Living according to His word is the way. it will break the bond of shame and guilt, it brings freedom. Return to the Lord today. Return.

love never fails

When utter in my heart that i wish i can give up and the work is just too much for me, He reminds me of how much He loves the people in East Asia. How marvellous- i cant describe it... And just that reminder is enough to enable me to press on. what i feel is not important any more.

i am moving forward. let my heart beat the same rythmn as Yours.

now i see.

words. are they really able to describe the true extent of what we feel? well,perhaps not, but i'll try my best here. i have had many thoughts since placement started and like esther says, which i concur- my life is quite interesting. okay, of course she was refering to something that i wont mention here, (haha) but besides that, placement has brought me to see some things that i never saw before and possess certain perspectives that were once foreign.

my job scope as a placement student is basically this: youth and children work where i plan programs, workshops, go on activities with youths, build relationship, do casework and counselling, have numerous school visits to observe interviews and assessment, go for home visits, conduct groupwork for petty crime youth offenders and yeah, mostly that. sounds like a pretty long list eh? basically we multitask and are exposed to alot of what the centre does. at the close of the 2nd week, this is what i have to say. believe or not, i actually feel the passion arising. when i see clients, i see them more than just people, i see them as individuals with needs that can be met. and i feel for them. i dont look upon them with pity neither do i see them as "poor thing". it is a different emotion- my heart just goes out to them and the only thing in my agenda- if i have to choose, the most important would be to provide them with the resources and support so they are able to develop to the fullest potential and what God created them to be. i see so much more in these kids then what they lack. i look pass their failure in studies and see individuals with lives that can be lived in abundance. and as i understand their situation, i see youths and children that seem to be bound by the circumstance they are facing- home environment, family etc. i look at their behaviours as mere indicators and symptoms of what is REALLY within them; a child that might be deprived of parental love and guidence, perhaps a child full of anger and frustration... going to visit them at their homes makes it all the more acute. i finally see and understand why they are performing the way they are in school. all that i read in books and hear in lectures suddenly makes sense. this is what reality is- it is no longer mere theory, this is life. and boy, is life unfair.

i dream for these kids, i hope for a future for them, i yearn for something more for their lives. and these is the same dream i dream for the youths that i work with in our ministry and those who WILL BE in our ministry- i dream to see their lives maximised for the glory of God. today was a day of feeling but there is nothing wrong with it, absolutely nothing. i am getting in touch with the self that God has given me and that part of my self is called: compassion.

i need to see again

into the 2nd week of placement and i am so tired.
not that this is not fulfilling or anything, but i am tired.
there are so many things i want to blog about but, another day...
i find time to talk to God along the way home.
catch up with friends while walking to the train station.
miss catching up with the people i love- i really do.
miss homecooked food like anything (soon soon- tommorow.)
think of workshop outlines and meeting agendas on the way to work.
check my organiser constantly.
jump up at the sound of my morning alarm.
goodness, Lord, i dont know how i am going to make it through till the EA trip.
i need a bigger perspective, and i believe YOU will show me.
You who live within me is greater than He that is in the world.

Goodnight world, i think i really need sleep, i refuse to feel jaded. refuse to.

those black fragments

Before i leave the house this morning, i just wanna post this up.

Ephesians 5:5-13
"For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a man is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. 6Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God's wrath comes on those who are disobedient. 7Therefore do not be partners with them.
8For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light 9(for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) 10and find out what pleases the Lord. 11Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. 12For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. 13But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, 14for it is light that makes everything visible."

We can be sure that darkness and sin cannot be hidden in the face of light and the truth. sin cannot withstand the test of truth. Last night as i was sharing with a friend, i was reminded that every sin will be exposed, and we can hide nothing from God. Perhaps we can hide it from the world, put on a facade, live a life that seems godly but inside we are actually rotting away. i was reminded of how God delivered me from the guilt and the shame of those things that i hid in my closet, in the corners of my life that no one knew. and i was grateful. i am not proud of the things that happened in that past, but i recognize God's work in my life. i am ashamed that i let those things creep into my life, i am ashamed of the compromises i made, but i am glad now that God's light shone through, His light exposed those dark areas in my life. it was uncomfortable, even torturous those times, when sin was revealed. it surely was. but at the end of the day was freedom, there was liberty in the truth and in the light. today, i can truly say: no turning back, no turning back. yes, i might still fall and stumble along the way, but i know for that lesson in my life that i learnt, the conviction is real. that area of my life is now a fragment of my past. it is a black fragment that i will never forget but it has now been washed white by the grace and mercy of the Lord.

And God whispered this one thing in my ear last night, "You know rach, i am going to turn this ugly part of your life for good, for My glory. You just wait and see." Do YOU dare to believe that God can use those failures, those ugly fragments of your life for His glory? i dare, believe with me...

i bet this is the topic in every year 2 social work major's blog. Haha.

PLACEMENT HAS STARTED.
AND, the holidays are gone. laughs. not much of a holiday anyway although i did enjoy myself. the baboons were nice. haha. (i dont think alot of people know what i am talking about but nevermind. haha.)

i was just thinking yesterday morning what i want to get out of placement. it is going to be a ground for learning, a time of being humble and saying "wow,i didnt know that." as well as using the experience and gifts that God has already given me. i would say confidently that i do have an added advantage of having served in the Youth and YA ministry and worked at REACH fsc before. having been in committees and facilitated workshops has proved to be give me an edge BUT, having said that, i am very willing to learn. my supervisor asked me what i wanted to gain out of the whole experience and i told her: experience. i think that being able to apply textbook material to life excites me. finally, i get to use the smelly pile of notes that i study for exams and get to see a whole new world that i read in couselling books. i must say that i was a little disappointed when i was told what i will be doing as a placement student but i also understand why they planned certain things in that manner. despite it, i am grateful that my sup has agreed to expose me to as many things as possible, even going with her to work on the bizarre cases that she does in schools, and when she said bizarre, or is it absurd, something like that lah, i was thinking to myself how bizarre can it be? but i believe actually. haha. you know sadly in Singapore, there are so many things happening in families that we do not see. please thank God for the family you have. the cases out there really break the heart and make you wonder how they turned ot this way. i think that is what being in social work does, it really broadens your perspective and allows you to see what REALLY happens in homes, dysfunctional patterns, power struggles, seemingly minor symptoms that actually are pervasive. it's a crazy world, it is.

working in student care this placement is definitely a great opportunity for me to work duh, with students. (okay okay, thats not what i really wanted to say, haha) i meant, this would be a great opportunity to work directly with students in the setting where you have the space and authority to make a difference. especially in terms of moulding of character and behaviours. all of you have been youths before or are still youths (for those in self-denial, haha) and that is when influence makes all the difference. im glad my sup told me that when she works with students, she isnt looking at acedemics, but that character and values. and i beat that heartbeat too. i dont want to be too idealistic (crap,i am too practical. laughs) but i believe that God is going to use me to impact some lives this 10 weeks. it is a pity i wont be going to retreat- i know it is gonna be powerpacked coz the Spirit is going to move mightily but i dont regret it, nor am i complaining because what i will be doing will be and has to be empowered by God too. i really dont know what to expect and what kind of people i will meet but i know one thing for sure, and this is my goal for this placement- To stay really close to the Lord so that He can work through my life. social work really requires discernment and the words of the Spirit. i dont what other way or methods i can use except by keeping in step with the Spirit and being so in tune and sensitive to the Lord's voice. the Lord reminded me one thing this morning, and that is "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect."- Romans 12:2 and the only way i can continue to keep in step with the Spirit is to be constantly renewing my mind with the word of God. kinda sad that i wont be able to go for bible study for most of the tues coz it is my work late/meeting day on some of the weeks but i pray that God will still grant me the discipline to continue studying His word.

i pray that this placement will be an experience that will strengthen my faith and my calling. day 2, here i come...

communion with HIM

FINALLY. it is over. and boy, it feels good.
i came home to give my room a good packing after my evening paper.
and now my room is clean and packed. smiles. i like.

so many things have happened in the past few weeks i guess i'll post slowly. haha.
to start off, i took one of those long walks again, and i enjoyed it, just God and me. nothing beats those walks. and i realised something. there are 2 things i really enjoy doing: being alone and being with people. seemingly contradictory yeah? but those are the 2 things i delight in. i delight in spending time alone on walks, talking to God about any and everything, pondering about issues and just observing the sights around me. i think i need my doses of such activities every month. but i delight too in being with people. i think i thrive on conversations, the more i talk, the more awake i feel. i enjoy building others up, i enjoying listening to people, i enjoy hanging out, i just enjoy people. and the seemingly contradiction disappears. because the more i am with people, the more i treasure the times i have alone and perhaps thats exactly what happens- at least for me.

some said to me last night "you have so much capacity for more than what you are doing right now". i respect this person and i know he knows what he is saying. but i dug into my "ministry folder" and i thought to myself literally these words "sure a not?" i am really quite stretched this year and definitely have moved out of my comfort zone. i have accepted challenges, stepped out of my usual boat and even walked on water. i believe i have done things i have never done before, got myself into deals that i didnt expect and i have capacity for more? erm, hello God, i need a breather. and God reminded me on the way home today that He has destined me for greater things then this. He reminded me of what He has called me to, the places i will go, the unimaginable and all these things HE said, are just preparation. i dont want to suffer a burn-out but i also recognise that He will give me strength to go through it all. those who wait on me will soar on wings like eagles. he will run and not grow weary, he will walk and not be faint. and that was all i needed to hear to respond in "yes Lord, use me." struggle as i might, tired as i might be, God is in control of my life and knows what He is doing and i am humbled. who am i, i ask that He will choose to use me? and i thank God for this pure privilege to serve Him. have we taken serving the king of kings for granted? do we complain and grumble when things dont go our way? lets look to Him once again and delight in serving Him. we need to re-align. we need to enjoy the work that He has called us to do.

so as i walked home today, im glad i was able to commune with Him again in such a manner. the next 2-3 months are gonna be hectic months i know (by the way, i start placement- attachment on monday at Clement Student Care.) but i also know that it is gonna be the time of my life. placement, east asia, planning and all, here i come...