back for a good reason.

As some of you will already know, i was back from Nepal on thursday because my grandfather passed away. It was an unexpected return and on hindsight, quite an overwhelming experience. But i thank God for being so gracious to me despite me questioning Him and even accusing Him. It has indeed been a ride and needless to say, God surprised me in more ways than one.

I am grateful now even though i do not fully understand what this homecoming means. I have seen God's plan as i process what happened the last few days and learn to trust His plan and beautiful picture unfolding despite the circumstances.

Would like to share with you all a few precious lessons i learnt over the last few days.

1. As humans, we often think of hills as mountains. When i was in Kathmandu, i often exclaimed to the rest, "Wow, look at that mountain!" and sis yuet hoe would correct me saying that it is only a hill. And everytime i see another "mountain" i would ask her and she would again tell me, laughing, "Rachel, that is still a hill, wait till you see the mountains." Over the past few days, i think i looked at my situation as a mountain when in fact it was actually a hill... Circumstances as such have not hit me as of yet and i found myself being very weak, asking God alot of "whys" and even accusing Him of being unfair. As i look back, i see that it was actually a hill that i was looking at. Yes, no doubt, it was an obstacle, unexpected and seemingly poor timing but i now know that i didnt have to make such a huge fuss out of it because God had His plans. So next time i think of a situation as a "mountain", i will certainly stop to ask myself whether what i am facing is in fact only a "hill".
2. God showed me what it meant to stand firm in my faith as a Christian. During the funeral, there were many issues about participating in the buddhist rituals and the Christians in the family could not agree on a common stand not to join in. Mummy was pretty upset with the whole situation because she felt very strongly about not doing it. To cut the story short, i thank God that we stood firm in the commandments of the Lord and did not participate in the rituals. We didn't even stand close by to look like we were supportive of it. I saw what it meant to be a Christian when there were pressures by the people (even fellow believers) to conform to the practices of the world. God brought me back to stand with my family and declare that He is the God of our lives and we will not compromise on any other standards. And because of that, His name is glorified. Praise Him... Not to forget that grandpa is now singing Hokkien Hillsongs together with grandma in heaven. (He accepted Christ at His deathbed.) The thought of that makes me swell with joy. :)
3. God showed me His faithfulness. When i heard the news and decided to come home, i never really expected to return to Nepal. And in fact even though many people asked me at the wake when i am going back, my answer would always be, "i'm not sure if i am even going back." Mummy knew i was very upset about having to come home and offered to pay for my return trip, but i knew it was a sacrifice on her part and it would definitely be a pinch. And i told her, "I'll go back if i am sponsered part of the sum of money." Well, when i said that, i had no idea how it was gonna be done. In fact, i doubted in my heart that it would happen. Yesterday night when i prayed to ask God for His leading in this whole issue, God said to me, "Will you not test me and see if I am a faithful God who will provide for you?" I actually dared not claim the promise but i told God that if He wants me to go back, He will pave the way for me. And today, a dear sister of mine offered to pay half of my air ticket back. That is enough to make me awe at God's faithfulness and stand amazed at His grace. Even though i am so faithless, He remains faithful.

The God that i serve is indeed a real and living God. As human as i am, i griped, complained and questioned but God was so patient with me. Never once did He choose to leave me but in fact, was waiting for me to run back to His arms. And for that, i praise Him for bringing me home, for allowing me to experience what i did. I believe that there are still things i have yet to learn from this homecoming and will continue to seek the Lord regarding it.

Thank you all for supporting me during this period of time, the prayers, visit to the wake and the encouragement you all have been giving over this past few days. I saw what it meant to be part of the family of God in times of crisis and i am thankful for every bit of it. You have no idea how much it all means to me.

I will be leaving again this coming weekend, the exact date is unconfirmed. Please continue to pray with me as i leave for the land of Nepal. It is a land with great needs and lots of strongholds. Pray that i will declare His word fearlessly. His love for the Nepalese is so great... Join me in loving them by praying. Will share more about them soon. :)