your faithfulness.

Changes and transitions. Sometimes i think i wish for stability, other times i desire to break out of routine. I am a confused kid. But looking back at 2006, it has been a year of adaptation, of accomodation, of simply embracing life. I believe this year marked a season in my life where i dare say was the most stretching. I look back at what i have achieved, where i have failed, relationships forged, growth taken place and i smile at it. It hasn't been all ups, but it has been the best year of my life. I don't know how else to describe it, perhaps they are all thoughts that are yet to be translated to words. But one thing i know for sure at the end of the year is that God has been faithful. He has never once failed me although i failed Him so many times, He has never left me although sometimes i felt He did and He has certainly seen me through 2006, through thick and thin.

Thank you Jesus. You rock my world. Smiles.

better sleep.

I think I'm thinking a tad bit too much tonight.
Go to bed rach. Just sleep.
It'll be a great day tomorrow, I promise.

By the way, Cameron was great. Will post some pictures up sometime soon. It was a good time of rest and just enjoying one another. :)

gone again.

Exams have passed, so has rhema, and so has leaders' retreat. This is crazy, december madness. And in a few hours time, I'll be going to Cameron Highlands. It'll be a great time away with the family, and with God. I'm looking forward to spending time away from the hussle of life, of the busyness of ministry and just rest. Believe it or not, I have not recuperated from the exams and rhema. And with the workplan retreat, I sure felt old. And I upgraded to "lao lao" position this year since pastor cuixian called me that one of the nights. For those who do not know, "lao lao" means I am of the older category. Norman calls it seniority, I just call it old. But yes, I do feel older after all the rock climbing, rope course and rafting. Give me this 2 or 3 years back, i'll be in top form all fit and fast, but now, I'm just aching and i feel just .. .. .. old. hahaha.

Anyway, if you are bored and you just want to find out about Cameron, you can visit the site (click on the word Cameron), courtesy of Johann Tay, laughs, I think sometimes friends are very funny, they do interesting things but nonetheless, thanks bro, now people can enjoy this too. haha.

Okay, off I go again, I;m looking forward to the long bus ride- all good for reflection and solitude. As well as spending time with dave, it's gonna be great. Smiles.

Rhema 2006

Finally, the arrival of Rhema Conference 2006. It's gonna be a blast. Those who are still watching this space, please do keep the youths attending in prayer. They are all that is on my mind right now. haha. and please pray for the committee as well. I think we are are geared up, but tired also. I came down with a runny nose this morning so i hope it goes off soon, if not the tissue packets add extra weight to my already bulky bag!

For those who come home every night after the conference, i trust that you will be ministered to. The word from me for all conferees or those serving is this: EXPECTATION. Go expecting God to do something. Go with a desire to seek His face. And go, with a heart ready to be moulded by what He desires to speak to each one of you about.

This is about as much i can afford to type. haha. i gotta run, but know that i am excited about what God is gonna do in each of the lives that attend this conference. And i pray that i will be a servant as i walk through this 4 days, to serve you who will be there. God, humble me. Coz it's all about You Lord.

Signing off,

Chairperson of Rhema Conference, BUT servant of Christ.

one of those quizzes.

It's been some time since I did something like this, so this was done at 1:45am this morning, just for the fun of it. haha. Thought I would have a laugh over it, but hmm, most of it- rather accurate, for once. grins. And my bloodtype is B+! okay, Jeanie might say I have flouted the maxim of relevance, but ah well, this is my blog. hahahaha.

You Have A Type B+ Personality

You're a pro at going with the flow You love to kick back and take in everything life has to offer A total joy to be around, people crave your stability. While you're totally laid back, you can have bouts of hyperactivity. Get into a project you love, and you won't stop until it's done You're passionate - just selective about your passions

Do You Have a Type A Personality?

one word.

The questions I asked are answered in one word: PRAY.
And that, I will do.
God give me strength for today, hope for tomorrow.

read me.

"Good writing is modest. It does not draw attention to itself. Good writing does not try to show off the writer's intelligence. It lets the content speak for itself, and it allows readers to receive messages directly. Writing should not get in the way of what people need and want to read."

- Stovall, J.G. in Writing for the Mass Media

I like this quote because it parallels how our Christian life should be like. Our lives should speak for itself and who we are should proclaim "messages" of who our God is. It should reflect His attributes, tell of His goodness, and people; just like they read good writing, can receive a message- a message that reveals a salvation plan, His plan.

Are we through our lives, obstructing others from reading what they "need and want to read"? Let's not prevent them from discovering who God is because we hide Him instead of declare His praises.

Think about it, when people look at you, do they "read" Christ without you even drawing attention to yourself?

"And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." -2 Corinthians 3:18

Are you reflecting His glory increasingly?

your purpose and will.

I had a good 1-hour of prayer with Christy yesterday afternoon in the privacy of a room in NUS. We had no agenda, just sat down in stillness and quietness and prayed. I have not had such waiting on the Lord for sometime and it was overwhelming. I truly enjoyed myself.

It was a time of praising, of thanking, of casting what we desired, what we longed for at His feet. And nothing beat that time spent. I could have finished up my pile of medical social work notes that afternoon but I have no regrets. Some things can wait, others can't and this was something that I really needed, time away, in quietness.

And I believe we were both blessed as we ministered to each other. At 1st I think I was rather uncomfortable with the silence. It seemed too unreal, too... silent. But i told myself I had to focus on the Lord. And when I did, the Lord spoke, the prayers came and it just flowed. At the end of the 1-hour, we both just couldnt get enough of it. I prayed that we would leave still with prayer continuously on our lips, what an awesome time we had.

I was reminded too of things that the Lord has placed upon my heart and there were others that set me thinking. Regarding an issue, I remember uttering this one line, "Lord, if it is your will and what you desire, even if it means taking more of my time and energy, I want to do what You want." And that will remain my prayer. (I just recevied an email from ps kieran and well, it might just be an open door for something that I prayed about. heh.) I really thank God for bringing Christy into my life, a mentor and a dear friend. A sister who whould spend time helping me grow, creating opportunities for me to serve, and be equipped. I thank God she takes time to sit down and listen to me, and really genuinely wants to invest in my life. I am truly blessed. And God brought her at such a timely season of my life, He really knows my needs. Thank you Lord, thank you.

And at the end of the day, my question to myself and many others is this (cliche as it might sound) but: Have we been so busy in life and with life that we even rush to spend time with God? I have been rebuked and disciplined by God recently and I am day by day, learning what it means again to just seek Him ALONE and spend time with Him. I am struggling, I have to admit, to sit down and be still. But I resolve to do something about it. To rearrange the clutter in my life, to clear away things that clog up the space in my heart and to re-focus. To re-focus on the things that really matter. Has the busyness of ministry or expectations of life taken a toil on you? Rest in God, my dear brothers and sisters, rest in Him, and take absolute delight in His presence.

"What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?" -Matthew 16:26

Yes, what good would it be if I serve so much in ministry and give my everything, my time, my life but YET, forfeit my soul? What use would all that I have done be if at the end of the day I realise that I lost myself and lost God in the process? Does what I do have eternal value? Jesus was busy and had many things to do when He was on earth, (so did Paul) but the difference was that He did the will of God. If you ask me, that is exactly what I need to do, the will of God. Not max up my time with activities in church, or build lives, or even evangelize, (yes, these are all things God would want me to do.) but- what is it that is in accordance to His will NOW?

And so, at the end of the day, my prayer is that I will do His will. Nothing else. Lord, let me thrive in Your presence and move with Your direction.

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21

Give me YOUR purpose Lord. Yours only.

a God who neither slumbers nor sleeps.

Psalm 121

I lift up my eyes to the hills--
where does my help some from?
My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip--
he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.

The LORD watches over you--
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not arm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

The LORD will keep you from all harm--
he will watch over your life;
the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

This is my God. Is He yours?

joy in spite of.

There is much to thank God for, even though i am not in my best frame of health (spiritually and physically). But i am going to choose to praise Him even here. The past few weeks have been crazy for me. School, ministry and more ministry has sadly tired me out and drained me. When asked how are you doing, i would often reply, "surviving" and smile at that. i was just moving on, doing what i was supposed to do, trying to be faithful to fulfill all my responsibilities. I knew what i was doing- its not like im just doing things for the sake of it and i love God. But thru it all, there was one thing that i was missing out on- Myself. i was losing myself. What's wrong with that, you may ask. God asked us to deny ourselves take up our cross and follow Him right? Yes, that is true, but God said one thing to me that caused me to stop and listen, and that was, "My child, what i want is YOU."

I battled with God over that- i told Him that i serve Him with all that i have, and have been giving and loving people, what is lacking really? What does wanting ME require? i am still learning this very simple truth, that God loves me, not the sacrifices i give. i am learning what being vs doing means. And its a struggle because I say, "Lord, what can i do to improve the state i am in?" and God says, "Just trust and walk with me." Woah, very tough to just- be. Especially when i have minimal time and maximum work, its so hard to let go of the choleric side and trust. But i am learning, i need to allow the moulding process to take place, and gosh, i am so imperfect.

The awareness of how weak i am, how far i am from the mark really humbles me. Without Christ i am really nothing. The things i do would mean nothing, the life i live, would be wasted. And God, i sure dont want at the end of my life thinking i have slogged so hard and hear Christ saying to me, 'i tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me... go away in eternal punishment, ' (context, Matthew 25:31-46) i want my life to count for Christ, i want to do what Jesus would. And i dont think i am being hard on myself.

My mentor, Christy, (we are in this relationship in a very divine way, will share more another time) is such an amazing woman. I was just telling esther yesterday that it is so different having female-care compared to how Ps Ronald and Kieran look out for me. (i know they care for me too, but herm, they are just guys and i guess guys are just well.... different. ha.) So, I was sharing with Christy how lousy i feel, how overwhelmed i am and after pouring my heart out, she said, "i am so blessed by what you shared." and i was taken aback. Christy somehow manages to turn my struggles around and say that God teaches her things from it and she is blessed. And i dunno how to describe that feeling, it is just super humbling. it makes me feel so awed by God- how He can use my inadequacies to bless. and i feel small all over again. i feel like a child encouraged by daddy and i am blown by His greatness. Its like standing under a clear night sky full of stars- that kind of feeling.

And this morning God spoke to me thru Ps 73, tears just came, and His presence so real. i would love to share more. but tonight okay? i need to rush to school for class, hehe. and cell later. :) its gonna be an amazing time. i think i understand a little of what it means to have joy in the midst of trials and tiredness.

complete abandonment of self.

I had a long talk with Him today. And conclusion is: I can't go on anymore without You Lord. I never should have/could anyway. I was left needing, wanting, yearning, broken and in complete abandonment of self. I can ONLY depend on Him to survive the rest of my semester, or rather, the rest of my life.

"You are my strength when i am weak,

You are the treasure that i seek

You are my all in all."

It's all about You Jesus, this process is not easy, but i know You will be with me. And I will bear this in mind, "you won't be able to see the mountain tops until you are in the valleys."

will be back.

i really need a break.

Oh how many times have i broken your heart, but still you forgave if only i asked. Oh how many times have you heard me say, "draw near to me".

in stillness.

I had two options tonight. I could either go home for dinner, or go to church for service by Rev. Paul Goulet. I chose a third option- spend some time alone at my favourite seats in the arts canteen. I love the atmosphere of school at night, there’s a sort of nostalgia, of feeling introspective, and a time to reflect. I decided to take the night off from the crowd, off from the usual television programs and just spend some time by myself and with Him. So here I am, seated where I can catch the sea view in the distance, with a breeze cool enough for me to put my jacket on and feel comfortably warm. It is quiet and the environment is almost serene.

I enjoy times like these where it is just me and God. Taking pleasure in stillness and looking back at the week, removing myself from the activities of life. I think back upon the week, how I rushed from place to place, attended at least four project meetings in three days, interviewed for two days in a row, slept late, worried about the piling readings, felt overwhelmed, rejoiced that God answered my prayers, delighted in going through the entire day with Him walking beside me, smiled at how God used me in very interesting ways and at this, I sigh with a sort of relief that is mixed with satisfaction.

So many things happened, so many people met. But there is only one thing that I yearned for in this week, and that was His presence. The busier I was, the more I desired to commune with Him. The more overwhelmed I felt, the greater the need for His yoke and burden. And with this, my heart is filled with gratitude for who He is in my life. I cannot imagine my life without my creator. Where would I be, what would I be doing, how would I live life? I really cannot imagine. I think about tomorrow’s evangelistic cell barbeque- about the friends we have invited, and I am smiling, because I know that this might be the beginning of a life they have never imagined.

Looking around the canteen, there is no one in sight except another guy who has just began to furiously type on his laptop. I am just embracing this moment, enjoying every single bit of this feeling and loving it. Smiles, Lord, You are truly amazing.

broken.

As Bread That Is Broken

Many hearts are hungry tonight

Many trapped in darkness

Yearn for the light

So many who are far from home

And many who are lost

O Lord Your wounded children need

The power of Your cross

Chorus:

As bread that is broken

Use our lives

As wine that is poured out

A willing sacrifice

Empower us Father

To share the love of Christ

As bread that is broken Lord

Use our lives

Help us to begin where we are

Help us love the people

Near to our hearts

Then give our faith a mission field

Wherever You may call

Lord love Your world

Through each of us

Until we've touched them all

As bread that is broken
Use our lives
As wine that is poured out
A willing sacrifice
Empower us Father
To share the love of Christ
As bread that is broken Lord
Use our lives

What are we living for? To live is Christ and to die is gain. Before You, let me never assume any other posture then that of brokenness and being poured out.

the call.

"There is a call on this generation to obey the risen Christ and make disciples of all the unreached peoples of the world. I am praying that God will raise up hundreds of thousands of young people and "finshers" (people finishing one career and ready to pursue a second in Christian ministry). I pray that this divine call will rise in your heart with joy and not guilt. I pray that it will be confirmed with the necessary gifts, and a compelling desire, and the confirmation of your church, and the tokens of providence. Fan into flame every flicker of desire by reading biographies, and meditating on Scripture, and studying the unreached peoples, and praying for passion, and conversing with mission veterans. Don't run from the call. Pursue it.
Let your mind dwell on the lostness of perishing individuals, but all on whole people groups that do not have any access to the Gospel. This is Paul's great ambition: "to preach the gospel, not where Christ has already been named" (Romans 15:20). There will always be unconverted people to win where the church is already established. That is not the unique task of frontier missions. Frontier missions does what Paul aimed to do: Plant the church where there is now no possibility of ministry. This is the great need of the hour, not only for missionaries who go to serve the established church in other countires (which is a great need, especially in leadership development), but also for missionaries who go to peoples and places where there is no church to serve."
- From Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper

When i read what Piper writes, i am compelled to urge you all to make missions something you pray about. Perhaps you have a desire to go, then fan that flame! Ask God to increase your passion for the unreached, for the lost, for the perishing. Yes, there is much work to be done in Singapore, but has God placed in you a desire to one day reach the nations? Even if it is just a slight desire, pray for God to reveal more to you regarding this. And if you waiting for a "booming God-voice" to direct you to the field, please wait no more. God's heartbeat for missions is clear. He desires every tongue to confess that He is Lord, in places where they have not heard of Christ. I am not saying you impulsively abandon all that you are doing right now and leave the country to a faraway land. I am asking that you fan into flame this desire for the lost. And i pray that as Piper writes, that your call "will be confirmed with the necessary gifts, and a compelling desire, and the confirmation of your church, and the tokens of providence". Are you willingly to say "to live is Christ and to die is gain"? If so, i'll certainly be praying for, and together with you... :)

missions & worship.

"... ... The ultimate aim of missions is that God would create, by His word, worshippers who glorify His name through glad-hearted faith and obedience. Mission exists because worship doesn't. When this age is over, and the countless millions of the redeemed fall on their faces before the throne of God, missions will be no more. It is a temporary necessity. But worship abides forever. Worship, therefore, is the fuel and the goal of missions."

- The Bethlehem Institute Affirmation of Faith in "Don't Waste Your Life" by John Piper

love.

"You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect."

- Matthew 5:43-48

And when the curtains are drawn, all i see in the mirror is a part of myself, weak and ugly, needing and wanting the Lord to change me. And i trust You will. Thank You, thank You.

start a movement

"Don't start a discipling program, pour your life into a few good men (or women), and start a movement."

- Ps Benny Ho

just a glimpse of my life...

As promised, this is my update... There have been too many things i have been experiencing that i would love to share, hence the point forms. Grins.

Youth Conference '06
I am thrilled that i will be working with a fabulous team this year. Even though this wasn't what i was trained for, (i was supposed to take on the camp commandant role) i am proud to be part of and head this committee- they really rock! And i thank God too that i am working with Joey, it is great when you have someone who can share with and understand what it means to love youths, we really have lots to learn from each other. :) The beginning of this journey has been a faith-stretching one and an already humbling experience. You see, this is the 1st time in the history of R-age that we will be organising a youth conference instead of a youth camp and we are clueless about oragnising a conference! I must say that i am privileged but i say that with a bit of apprehension mixed with excitement. I really don't know how it will all work out and just sitting and listening to a youth worker from another church share some tips about running a conference made me realise how tall a calling this is. Who am i that i was chosen for this task? I can only say that it is by the grace of God that has placed me in a position as this and i am praying that He will grant me all the wisdom i need. This committee is gonna set the pace, it is gonna be the place where we will all walk away knowing what it means to have faith and trust. So do pray together with me and the committee that God will do all He wills for this to see this conference come to pass... (i will surely share more as time goes by.)

Believing in Youths
Never in my life has this struck me so hard as it has this week. As i sat and listened to a youth worker talk about his experience working with youths, i felt something stirring so strongly within me. "You got to believe in them (youths) and let them do things..." (paraphrased) This has been what God has been placing upon my heart the past few months. And i choose to believe that it is a confirmation of my ministry with youths and with Crossroad 47. I see so much more in the lives of the youths (the basketball girls) that we have been working with already. From how they were so cold and distant from us/me to the day when they open up and share their struggles. I actually feel for them. I desire to see God work in their lives. And i am praying, with all my heart, that they will know who God really is. I begin to see one thing, that as leaders of r-age, we dont believe in our youths enough. We have to admit it, we don't. But that doesn't mean we resign to that fact and look with envy at the other churches that are thriving. What it means is that we got to start doing something. Joey said one thing last night that i agree with totally, "Humanly we can only inspire them...but when the Holy Spirit convicts...they will be changed forever." And i say Amen to that! We do what we can, and God does the rest. We really got to start believing in our youths, we got to love them for all that God wants them to be. And i am committed to doing that. My dear friends, building relationships is hard work, but are we willing to invest in their lives? Let's put our hands to the plow...

Working with Pastor Ronald on the Youth Centre (Xroad 47) has been a tremendous learning experience for me so far. To see the hand of God upon the ministry, to share together about how God has encouraged us and to crack our brains together on details of programmes has taught me so much. I am sure and glad that i decided to join him in this. I sometimes wonder if i made the decision on impulse but the Lord gave me a word on saturday, "I will extend your territories..." and i grasped on to that word and claimed in for the ministries i am serving in. Next week is the opening week of the centre, finally, it is start of the relationships that will be forged, the souls that will be brought into the kingdom... these are the souls i will invest in, and i am not looking back. never.

A place to groom and love
Having said that, i have committed myself to making this semester the best one i will have with my cell. I have chosen to give it my best shot. I pray that cell will really be THE place where people can walk away saying that they have grown to know God in a more intimate manner. I made the choice to disciple and mentor some in the cell, a decision i made after much weighing of priorities. And i am excited. Although there is so much work involved, i have chosen, to impart life into theirs- Whether it is in terms of skills or just sharing life. I believe that as i embark on these relationships, we will both grow together. I want to pour out whatever i can into their lives, i really do. And guys, i really believe in you, for all that God wants each of you to be... I see so much more that you and you and you and you and you can live for. Let's work together to bring in the harvest in the campus.. :)

Yes, i have been busy- BUT i am glad i have been refreshed with His encouragement. I know that all i do, even though people might not see my work, is not in vain. And as i sit down and reflect, i can only thank Him for His goodness and mercy upon my life. Life hasn't been as exciting as this! and i can only say "i stand in awe of YOU." i really do...

If you have read until here, thanks really for tuning in to my life and what God is doing. More than that, I really covet all your prayers. In advance, I thank you for all that God will answer and that will come to pass.. :)

in process...

this blog needs serious updating.. hahaha. soon, i promise. :)