Thursday, September 28, 2006

in stillness.

I had two options tonight. I could either go home for dinner, or go to church for service by Rev. Paul Goulet. I chose a third option- spend some time alone at my favourite seats in the arts canteen. I love the atmosphere of school at night, there’s a sort of nostalgia, of feeling introspective, and a time to reflect. I decided to take the night off from the crowd, off from the usual television programs and just spend some time by myself and with Him. So here I am, seated where I can catch the sea view in the distance, with a breeze cool enough for me to put my jacket on and feel comfortably warm. It is quiet and the environment is almost serene.

I enjoy times like these where it is just me and God. Taking pleasure in stillness and looking back at the week, removing myself from the activities of life. I think back upon the week, how I rushed from place to place, attended at least four project meetings in three days, interviewed for two days in a row, slept late, worried about the piling readings, felt overwhelmed, rejoiced that God answered my prayers, delighted in going through the entire day with Him walking beside me, smiled at how God used me in very interesting ways and at this, I sigh with a sort of relief that is mixed with satisfaction.

So many things happened, so many people met. But there is only one thing that I yearned for in this week, and that was His presence. The busier I was, the more I desired to commune with Him. The more overwhelmed I felt, the greater the need for His yoke and burden. And with this, my heart is filled with gratitude for who He is in my life. I cannot imagine my life without my creator. Where would I be, what would I be doing, how would I live life? I really cannot imagine. I think about tomorrow’s evangelistic cell barbeque- about the friends we have invited, and I am smiling, because I know that this might be the beginning of a life they have never imagined.

Looking around the canteen, there is no one in sight except another guy who has just began to furiously type on his laptop. I am just embracing this moment, enjoying every single bit of this feeling and loving it. Smiles, Lord, You are truly amazing.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

broken.

As Bread That Is Broken
Many hearts are hungry tonight
Many trapped in darkness
Yearn for the light
So many who are far from home
And many who are lost
O Lord Your wounded children need
The power of Your cross
Chorus:
As bread that is broken
Use our lives
As wine that is poured out
A willing sacrifice
Empower us Father
To share the love of Christ
As bread that is broken Lord
Use our lives
Help us to begin where we are
Help us love the people
Near to our hearts
Then give our faith a mission field
Wherever You may call
Lord love Your world
Through each of us
Until we've touched them all

As bread that is broken
Use our lives
As wine that is poured out
A willing sacrifice
Empower us Father
To share the love of Christ
As bread that is broken Lord
Use our lives
What are we living for? To live is Christ and to die is gain. Before You, let me never assume any other posture then that of brokenness and being poured out.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

the call.

"There is a call on this generation to obey the risen Christ and make disciples of all the unreached peoples of the world. I am praying that God will raise up hundreds of thousands of young people and "finshers" (people finishing one career and ready to pursue a second in Christian ministry). I pray that this divine call will rise in your heart with joy and not guilt. I pray that it will be confirmed with the necessary gifts, and a compelling desire, and the confirmation of your church, and the tokens of providence. Fan into flame every flicker of desire by reading biographies, and meditating on Scripture, and studying the unreached peoples, and praying for passion, and conversing with mission veterans. Don't run from the call. Pursue it.
Let your mind dwell on the lostness of perishing individuals, but all on whole people groups that do not have any access to the Gospel. This is Paul's great ambition: "to preach the gospel, not where Christ has already been named" (Romans 15:20). There will always be unconverted people to win where the church is already established. That is not the unique task of frontier missions. Frontier missions does what Paul aimed to do: Plant the church where there is now no possibility of ministry. This is the great need of the hour, not only for missionaries who go to serve the established church in other countires (which is a great need, especially in leadership development), but also for missionaries who go to peoples and places where there is no church to serve."
- From Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper

When i read what Piper writes, i am compelled to urge you all to make missions something you pray about. Perhaps you have a desire to go, then fan that flame! Ask God to increase your passion for the unreached, for the lost, for the perishing. Yes, there is much work to be done in Singapore, but has God placed in you a desire to one day reach the nations? Even if it is just a slight desire, pray for God to reveal more to you regarding this. And if you waiting for a "booming God-voice" to direct you to the field, please wait no more. God's heartbeat for missions is clear. He desires every tongue to confess that He is Lord, in places where they have not heard of Christ. I am not saying you impulsively abandon all that you are doing right now and leave the country to a faraway land. I am asking that you fan into flame this desire for the lost. And i pray that as Piper writes, that your call "will be confirmed with the necessary gifts, and a compelling desire, and the confirmation of your church, and the tokens of providence". Are you willingly to say "to live is Christ and to die is gain"? If so, i'll certainly be praying for, and together with you... :)

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

missions & worship.

"... ... The ultimate aim of missions is that God would create, by His word, worshippers who glorify His name through glad-hearted faith and obedience. Mission exists because worship doesn't. When this age is over, and the countless millions of the redeemed fall on their faces before the throne of God, missions will be no more. It is a temporary necessity. But worship abides forever. Worship, therefore, is the fuel and the goal of missions."

- The Bethlehem Institute Affirmation of Faith in "Don't Waste Your Life" by John Piper

Sunday, September 10, 2006

love.

"You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect."
- Matthew 5:43-48
And when the curtains are drawn, all i see in the mirror is a part of myself, weak and ugly, needing and wanting the Lord to change me. And i trust You will. Thank You, thank You.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

start a movement

"Don't start a discipling program, pour your life into a few good men (or women), and start a movement."
- Ps Benny Ho

Monday, August 28, 2006

just a glimpse of my life...

As promised, this is my update... There have been too many things i have been experiencing that i would love to share, hence the point forms. Grins.

Youth Conference '06
I am thrilled that i will be working with a fabulous team this year. Even though this wasn't what i was trained for, (i was supposed to take on the camp commandant role) i am proud to be part of and head this committee- they really rock! And i thank God too that i am working with Joey, it is great when you have someone who can share with and understand what it means to love youths, we really have lots to learn from each other. :) The beginning of this journey has been a faith-stretching one and an already humbling experience. You see, this is the 1st time in the history of R-age that we will be organising a youth conference instead of a youth camp and we are clueless about oragnising a conference! I must say that i am privileged but i say that with a bit of apprehension mixed with excitement. I really don't know how it will all work out and just sitting and listening to a youth worker from another church share some tips about running a conference made me realise how tall a calling this is. Who am i that i was chosen for this task? I can only say that it is by the grace of God that has placed me in a position as this and i am praying that He will grant me all the wisdom i need. This committee is gonna set the pace, it is gonna be the place where we will all walk away knowing what it means to have faith and trust. So do pray together with me and the committee that God will do all He wills for this to see this conference come to pass... (i will surely share more as time goes by.)

Believing in Youths
Never in my life has this struck me so hard as it has this week. As i sat and listened to a youth worker talk about his experience working with youths, i felt something stirring so strongly within me. "You got to believe in them (youths) and let them do things..." (paraphrased) This has been what God has been placing upon my heart the past few months. And i choose to believe that it is a confirmation of my ministry with youths and with Crossroad 47. I see so much more in the lives of the youths (the basketball girls) that we have been working with already. From how they were so cold and distant from us/me to the day when they open up and share their struggles. I actually feel for them. I desire to see God work in their lives. And i am praying, with all my heart, that they will know who God really is. I begin to see one thing, that as leaders of r-age, we dont believe in our youths enough. We have to admit it, we don't. But that doesn't mean we resign to that fact and look with envy at the other churches that are thriving. What it means is that we got to start doing something. Joey said one thing last night that i agree with totally, "Humanly we can only inspire them...but when the Holy Spirit convicts...they will be changed forever." And i say Amen to that! We do what we can, and God does the rest. We really got to start believing in our youths, we got to love them for all that God wants them to be. And i am committed to doing that. My dear friends, building relationships is hard work, but are we willing to invest in their lives? Let's put our hands to the plow...

Working with Pastor Ronald on the Youth Centre (Xroad 47) has been a tremendous learning experience for me so far. To see the hand of God upon the ministry, to share together about how God has encouraged us and to crack our brains together on details of programmes has taught me so much. I am sure and glad that i decided to join him in this. I sometimes wonder if i made the decision on impulse but the Lord gave me a word on saturday, "I will extend your territories..." and i grasped on to that word and claimed in for the ministries i am serving in. Next week is the opening week of the centre, finally, it is start of the relationships that will be forged, the souls that will be brought into the kingdom... these are the souls i will invest in, and i am not looking back. never.

A place to groom and love
Having said that, i have committed myself to making this semester the best one i will have with my cell. I have chosen to give it my best shot. I pray that cell will really be THE place where people can walk away saying that they have grown to know God in a more intimate manner. I made the choice to disciple and mentor some in the cell, a decision i made after much weighing of priorities. And i am excited. Although there is so much work involved, i have chosen, to impart life into theirs- Whether it is in terms of skills or just sharing life. I believe that as i embark on these relationships, we will both grow together. I want to pour out whatever i can into their lives, i really do. And guys, i really believe in you, for all that God wants each of you to be... I see so much more that you and you and you and you and you can live for. Let's work together to bring in the harvest in the campus.. :)

Yes, i have been busy- BUT i am glad i have been refreshed with His encouragement. I know that all i do, even though people might not see my work, is not in vain. And as i sit down and reflect, i can only thank Him for His goodness and mercy upon my life. Life hasn't been as exciting as this! and i can only say "i stand in awe of YOU." i really do...

If you have read until here, thanks really for tuning in to my life and what God is doing. More than that, I really covet all your prayers. In advance, I thank you for all that God will answer and that will come to pass.. :)

Sunday, August 27, 2006

in process...

this blog needs serious updating.. hahaha. soon, i promise. :)

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

God, You know our hearts...

A friend sent this sms to me last night,

"When God doesnt seem to be answering yor prayers, dont despair. An unfulfilled promise trains our patience and tests our surrenderedness to Him. He knows waiting isnt easy, but it grows us, which is why He encourages us to "wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord" (Ps 27:14). and again in Ps 31:24, to "be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord." So let us remember His encouragement and wait for Him!"

How timely, how timely. And this was sent just as Pastor Ronald and i were being encouraged and excited about what God is doing and will do in the Grace 2 youth ministry.
Dear sister in Christ, although we havent met yet, heaven and many of us here rejoice for your soul! Welcome to the family! :)

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

life.

LIFE...
Transition in Progress...
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-7

Thursday, August 10, 2006

was all ready to hide under the covers, but...

its 7:21am on my computer clock now and i am awake. i barely slept 5 hours last night but right now i am full of gratitude for the grace of God upon my life. i could have been grouchy coz i took really long to fall into slumber and didnt have that good a sleep, and i could have whined upon waking this morning. i could have just continued sleeping and told myself its okay to be late for the outing with the rest coz well, im just tired. but i awoke this morning feeling grateful and blessed. i received an sms from a friend this morning (i regret that i deleted it so fast) that ONLY thanked God for His creation and appreciate what He has done. there was nothing but thanksgiving and praise on this thursday morning! and i felt ashamed for a moment as i was all ready to hide under the covers and compromise with myslef for more sleep. but the moment soon passed and i begin thanking God too! it was contagious!

while i was washing up and preparing a nice cup of coffee for myself, i just continued to praise God. this morning really brings a whole new dimension to the verse, "[nothing] can separate us from the love of God..." (read romans 8:28-39 for a fuller context). (*and i told myself i must blog about this before i lose the moment.) we awake with wars and unrest going on in so many parts of the world. bloodshed, bombings, deaths of many- innocent lives lost, conflict in the higher ranks, earthquakes, floods are all happening at the same time. and there we were last night, complaining that the NDP was really bad (okay, i admit complained.)- how much worse could it get?, i asked. and we forget the privilege it is to be called a child of God in these times. in times where people are fearful of losing their lives, we can declare like paul that death could not separate us from the love of Christ. we will never understand the suffering and the things that people from these countries go through each day. most of the time we say, "wah, so terrible, thank God im not there." but how many of us really feel for the people that encounter unrest each day? how many of us even keep up with the news to know what is going on in other parts of the world? or have we been so concerned with our own lives- our own little struggles or emotional issues (i am not saying that they are not to be taken note of- God gives us our own crosses to bear) that we get consumed in it and forget that we live in a world and not a shell? we need to be less apathic towards things that are going on around us. we need to learn to be in prayer for our brothers and sisters in other parts of the world, we need to be broken for them too... and we need to learn to praise even in tough times coz it conquers the enemy :)

its is not always easy to wake up with praise on your lips. i am learning each day too... that thanksgiving will always be upon your lips and your spirit being in prayer for those going through pain and lost. lets learn to be concerned for lives that are hurting... i dont want us to at the end of the life to say, "i should have..." or "why didn't i..." lets live our lives not with regrets but to the fullest as God's children, living out the verse, "[nothing] can separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." What is your response to that love today?

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

He knows my name.

actually there are many things i don't blog about here, i think. well, i figured this is not a private blog afterall. :) anyway, today is national day, and i had a good time spent with Him.. in brokenness and humility. And im glad...

He Knows My Name
Words and Music by Tommy Walker

verse 1:
I have a Maker
He formed my heart
Before even time began
My life was in his hands

chorus:
He knows my name
He knows my every thought
He sees each tear that falls
and He hears me when I call

verse 2:
I have a Father
He calls me His own
He'll never leave me
No matter where I go

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

different yet the same.

"... ... Why should i scramble down this side and up the other to find after my labours the same soil still beneath me and the same heaven above? It would be laughable to suppose that the country beyond the gorge can be any different from the country on this side of it... ... Nature has already done all she can for our comfort and amusement, and the man who does not find content at home will seek it vainly abroad... ...", said their host

"There might be different people on the other side of the canyon," suggested John in the monentary pause that followed.

"That's even less likely," said Mr Sensible. "Human nature is always the same. The dress and manners may vary, but I detect the unchanging heart beneath the shifting disguises. If there are men beyond the canyon, rest assured that we know them already. They are born and they die, and in the interval between they are the same lovable rascals that we know at home."

- The Pilgrim's Regress by C.S. Lewis

That was one thing that i learnt from my EA trip, that well, youths are pretty much the same at any part of the world. The culture might be different. They might eat man tous for staples instead of rice. The songs they sing might be different, their dress and speech might vary- but well, beyond those things, they are generally like us when we were youths. (or still are) They go through identity issues, they compare their worth with others, they have bgr issues, they are concerned about their appearance, they have problems with their parents, they squabble with their friends, they can bear hatred in their hearts towards others, they lack love and are searching, they give attitude when they dont really like what they are doing, they sometimes oblige you when you ask them questions, friends are their priority for now, they find their parents a nuisence, and more- whatever you can name.
(ps: of course there are many other things you can infer from that passage but well, i chose this one.)

And as i looked at the youths i encountered in Shandong, i wish i could have reached out even more to them. i understand my limitations, i am but one person with 24 hours a day. i wished i could have loved and ministered to each one of them personally but i couldnt. beneath the front and the guises, there were broken hearts, some needing walls rebuilt, others yearning for the love that i couldnt find. i found myself wanting to embrace them wanting to reach out. i believe i did whatever i could while i was there. and upon looking back i realised- really, youths all over the world go through the same set of issues, the same pain, victories, dreams and struggles. and God deepened by burden for youths. God placed within my heart a desire to reach and to love. and i believe slowly but surely, He will mould and prepare my heart for my next phase in life. i am beginning to see and understand what He is doing. Not the full picture but it's forming. And i am following. By the way, thanks Munrong (i know she doesnt visit, but still would like to express gratitude), for praying that day. it was exactly what i needed.

i miss the youths in Shandong. i really do...

Thursday, August 03, 2006

freedom


You want freedom so bad but yet you reject the truth...

"If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

-John 8:31-32

know Him? love Him?

i went for BS yesterday and i realized how hungry i was! And no, it wasn't physical hunger i am talking about, i had a good portion of fried hokkien mee, i was so hungry for the solid teaching of the word! i stopped going for BS for about 3 months because i was so busy with placement and prep for my EA trip and yesterday when i went, i was just so excited. like REALLY excited. you can ask liang. and i trust that although it took a while to adjust to the long period of sitting, with quite occasional popping of sweets into my mouth, (you see,i havent sat down to listen to lessons in a long time) i dare say i was fed. i loved it! every bit of it. it was sound teaching and it really rekindled my love for the word! i left convvted that what i knew was so so little. i left feeling like i really wanted more. i left wanting to read more of the word. i left looking forward to going back for more. and you know what, it wasnt the teacher, sure- she was gd. it wasnt the company- although i love hanging out with this group. it wasnt the location- goodness, its more than an hour from my place. it was the POWER in the word of God. phoar. it is awesome.

let me tell you that the bible is not just a book. neither is it a fairy tale. it is not a dusty stack of papers. it is not a paper weight. and no, it certainly does not have power on its own because it cant do anything being just left on the shelf or on the table. the power comes when you make a choice to live it out. it is powerful when God uses it to convict. it cuts into our hearts when you allow it to. it transforms lives, it is THAT powerful. i was talking to joseph on the way back home today, and we both agreed that there is no other better way to know God then through His word. everything you do- prayer, worship, serving etc hinges on the word of God. the basis of all that we do comes from the word. the infallible truth. you say you have eternal life? eternal life is this: "that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent."- John 17:3. And how else will you know the Lord? im sure experiences are essential, but our experiences got to be backed up with the word or else they are just like any other experience that any other religions offer.

the church needs to go back to the word. back to the truths that will transform lives and compel you to live a life that reflects Christ. having said all of that, one thing still stands: the knowledge MUST transform your life. if not, its all words and well, (to put it crudely) trash for that matter. this is how serious i am this time about the word- and i dont think i have to apologize about what i truly believe in. love God? love His word.

Monday, July 31, 2006

Greetings!

To all who have blessed me in some way or another during my placement period, there is so much to thank God for. if i shared with you in the past 3 months, you will understand why i am so grateful. if not, you can ask me, i will gladly share. smiles.


Greetings in the name of the Lord!

Rachel, a child of God and a servant of Christ- Grace and peace from God our Father and Lord Jesus Christ be to you my fellow brethren.

Praise be to God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ who has blessed us in so many ways. In His marvellous riches, He has bestowed His mercy upon me, His most unworthy servant. Today, i boast of nothing except how undeserved i have been but yet in His great mercy and plan, He has given me an A- for my placement grade! How wonderful to be called a child of God! In Him we have His lavished love and plan for our lives, in most unexpected ways.

For this reason, I thank you for your generous giving in terms of prayers. I keep asking that because of your prayers, you may be blessed in every way as well, giving thanks to God for what He has done. I have not stopped praising God for what He has done. You too are included in this great blessing when you hear this testimony becuse you are His possession.

Therefore, i urge you, to never cease in your prayers and diligence in service to the Lord becausee He honours your work for Him. I am a living testimony of this truth. Time and time again I have received His undeserved blessings. Work hard for the Lord and serve Him in every way that He directs you, be fearless for Him and always keep praying.

Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you. I, Rachel, type this greeting with my own hand. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all.

Saturday, July 29, 2006

my strange dream

i woke up with a very strange dream this morning. i dreamt that President Nathan was the MP for my district and we had a chat. it was one of those crazily strange dreams. only when i woke up then i realised he was the president- in the dream he was only an indian MP. and we were talking about social work and God. He said he read my blog. Do you know how absurd that dream sounds? Very. but it left me thinking for a while. yes, it was a dream. but will i one day impact Singapore for Christ? will there come a day where the top leaders will declare the praises of the one who called us out of darkness into His marvellous light?

i start small. i will start plowing where i am. i have dreams but i start small. and i know that He is leading me to territories i have never entered before. places i have never been but places i will go. God is really full of surprises but He has a path prepared for you and me. and i am prepared to walk that path. i am prepared to go the path of simple obedience as Aunty Priscilla (rachlim's aunt who i spent sweet fellowship with in shanghai) said.

there is something heavy in my heart tonight. i cant figure out exactly what it is but i will sort it out with God. into my prayer closet i will go...

Friday, July 28, 2006

sneak preview

i am back! back from my previous "blogging hibernation" status and back from shanghai/shandong. finally, i had an awesome trip, one that i will never forget. well, i do not forget any of my trips but this trip has left me yearning for more. i will update you with more snippets from my daily journal, but here's a sneak preview...

Things that i have done for the FIRST time in my life for the past 2 weeks:
(in no order of preference, date, time whatsoever)

Food i ate for the 1st time
1. Fried insects (called can2 by the shandong locals) which taste like softshell crab by the way.
2. Duck chin
3. Amazingly sweet peaches (i can see suhui drooling- sorry abt the mishap dear.)
4. Man tous as staple food
5. Chicken feet as a cold dish
6. You2 tiao2 wrapped with chee cheong fan
7. Sour tou hua (yucks.)
8. Shao bing (something like roti prata but much thicker and stuffed with fillings in between)
9. Prawns that are the size of a 20 cent coins
10. Actually there are alotalot others but i dont know their names and i must have forgotten many.

Things i did for the 1st time
1. Co-lead a mission team to China
2. Teach in mandarin in front of at least a 100 youths and young adults
3. Have ah yi's (aunties- 40-80 years old) sit into my small group discusions and respond to my teaching
4. Pray in mandarin for healing for an auntie
5. Take a 12-hour bus ride with beds
6. Take a 16-hour train ride
7. Pluck peaches from a peach farm
8. Dance with a hired waiter at a thai resturuant (yum. haha!)
9. Wear a chinese princess costume and get a photoshoot, with very amused tourist shooting pictures too
10. Bargained until i felt tired
11. Have purple hair extensions
12. Be crazy enough over a drama serial called "The prince that turned into a frog" (erm, esther & hann: is that what it is called? haha) to stay up an watch it
13. Have to change my "script" and instead do a pre-evangelistic group discussion and teaching instead of an assigned material
14. Enjoy loving youths
15. See the Yellow River
16. i will add others as i recall...

There were many things i did, saw, visited and experienced. of which many brought me to know Him better, to love Him and His people more. i will update more i promise. and you can take my word for it. because i have learnt the power in sharinf testimonies- God works in marvelous ways. all i can say is- i am amazed. :)

right now, i will retreat to my more than comfortable bed. "oh my dear- how i miss you... clean touch of the sheets, the softness against my face. wait no more, here i come..."

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Your heart, my heart.

i didnt intend to post any entry anytime soon. its 12:57am now and i was thinking i need to sleep soon. i got to work tomorrow. but my spirit is stirring, and i cant sleep. i cant seem to pinpoint really why i am feeling like that. so i decided that i should type it out, so that i get to take a step back and see a clearer picture. God is moving somehow within me, and i think i know why.

His presence has been with me through the past few weeks. i am drowning in my attempts to juggle ministry and work attachment. sometimes i get so busy with work that i forget who He is. i can get caught up with doing His work and forget who i am really working for. i know i try to do my best in the things that are before me, but i fall short sometimes. and God reminded me of something that He said to me last week, "My child, I am proud of you."- something i hold so dear to me. and that is what i want to say to the youths that God has placed under my care- whether it be at work or in ministry. i want to be proud of them. God has been showing me what it means to love the youths and i am begining to learn to see the worth in each of them. to see really, the big white space instead of that black dot on a clean piece of paper. that is how God sees each of us too. in fact, He wipes away that black spot. and i want that heartbeat too.

i was blown away as my colleague and i discussed about a case that i am handling now. we talked about the client, but more than that, what blew me away were the things i learnt about people. i knew those things through the many modules i took in school but now i really see what it means as we talked. even as i begin to think more deeply about human behaviour, i believe God was opening the eyes of my heart. theories came to life for me and i suddenly realised how much more complex humans are then i thought! i shared with my EA team yesterday that i want to be able to serve God through my work, even though i might be constrained by my tiredness. and i really want to be able to minister to needs even in this few weeks. perhaps i wont accomplish miracles or too big things, but i know, that i want what happens in the remaining few weeks to be things that are according to His will and purpose. this is what i want to invest my life in- people. they sure are complicated, delicate beings, but they can live for so much more. today i saw that, i saw hope in families. i saw what it meant to believe in the best of people. and for once, i understood.

tonight, i just feel so close to Him. His heartbeat just beats upon mine.
and i dont want this feeling to ever leave.
turn this feeling to a conviction, something i live for.
i never want to depart from Your heart.
the heart of one who truly loves.
so close my Lord, so close...

beautiful.

There are so many things i want to post, but i dont have the time and the energy. smiles. ask me, i will gladly tell you. the only thing i want to say here is that HE is so beautiful. And His love is amazing. Bask in His presence.